The meaning of protecting you with my life

Let it all out

Lan Wangji had been worried about Wei Ying for a long time now, from the moment the other had woken up to be precise. Not that he had not been on edge even before with not knowing if his husband would even survive but since the moment We Ying had started pretending to be fine and interact with his family while clearly causing harm to himself, Lan Wangji's heart had been broken.

He did not understand why the family would not talk to each other, he really could not. It was as clear as day to him that things could not go like that. His point had been proven when Wei Ying had disappeared only to be found torturing himself while training with a sword he could not wield anymore. At least that had pushed the rest of the Yunmeng Jiang clan to finally discuss things with him.

Lan Wangji had been hoping that after that, his husband would understand how worried they all have been about him and that things would change between him and his family. Things changed, that was true, but not for the better it seemed.

Wei Ying now started pretending to enjoy each day and at the same time, he would be extremely withdrawn and silent whenever he was finally left alone. Lan Wangji was not sure if his family could see it or not however to his eyes, nothing could be more pronounced. What more, it was impossible to miss.

Whenever they would come back to Wei Ying's room, his husband would just sag down on the bed, completely disheartened and truly exhausted. Lan Wangji remembered how the Yunmeng Jiang sect head disciple had once told him that he used to go to bed quite late and wake up late as well. These times however, he slept even before the Second Jade and still woke up only later in the morning. He must have really been overly tired.

And it was not even the worst of it. What was even more, whenever Lan Wangji wanted to breach the topic of him forcing and hurting himself like this, Wei Ying would only smile at him and avoid his questions altogether, distracting the Second Jade only too easily with a few kisses. And the situation was steadily worsening without Lan Wangji being able to do anything for his husband.

When he tried to insist further, he was not only shut down but it made Wei Ying withdraw into himself even more. All the way to the point where he would refuse Lan Wangji entirely. And the Second Jade did not like that, he wanted to help Wei Ying if only a little bit. So he drew back and offered silent support instead.

He would bring his husband meals that he liked the best, he would play for him whenever Wei Ying seemed to long for it, he spent time with him without asking anything in return. They would more and more frequently search for a deserted pier and just sit there and watch how wind played with the water. It was peaceful and relaxing, but Lan Wangji could tell that it was not really what his husband wanted or needed the most.

Wei Ying was a free spirit and needed freedom as he needed to breathe. And his family was now very clearly suffocating him with their one-sided care. It was not bad in itself but Wei Ying's reaction was not one of joy, not truly.

Lan Wangji did not know what to do and he could only watch his husband wither away more and more with each passing day.

And today seemed to have been the last straw. With Jin Guangshan and Jin Guangyao finally out of the picture, even Lan Wangji had for a moment believed that things would finally settle down and the Yunmeng Jiang clan would give Wei Ying more freedom. He had been disappointed when that did not happen and he could tell that his husband was even more so.

That was why he had decided to push this time around. He was rewarded – if he could actually call it a reward when it had hurt Wei Ying so much – by a reaction, a violent one at that. He was holding the love of his life, completely at a loss of what else he could do, while his husband broke down in his arms.

"Wei Ying, talk to me," he begged again, tears stinging in his eyes as well. He needed the other to tell him what he should do to make everything better. He needed a hint about how to make the pain disappear.

However, Wei Ying only remained silent; or as silent as his loud sobbing would let him. It was clear that he would not be able to speak at the moment even if he wanted.

Lan Wangji's mind was at once inspired, he had an idea of an immediate next step. He gently lifted his crying husband who was still clinging to him for dear life and moved him to a better position on the bed. He sat them both down, leaning his back on the head rest and arranged Wei Ying so he would be sitting in his lap, his face still buried in Lan Wangji's chest.

He remembered how his brother had once held him just like this and patted his back gently. It was shortly after their mother's death. At that time, he still had not understood why he had not been allowed to see his mother anymore and he had been heartbroken. Lan Xichen had helped him gather himself then. Or more like had helped him to let everything out and calm down on his own.

That was just what Wei Ying needed at the moment.

Lan Wangji held his husband gently but firmly and was patting his back soothingly. He lowered his head a bit until his mouth was next to the Yunmeng Jiang sect head disciple's ear and he whispered: "Let it all out, Wei Ying, just let it all out. I am here with you."

His husband's breathing hitched and then he started crying even harder, nuzzling closer to Lan Wangji. The Second Jade did not mind and only drew him closer to his chest. With his head still half hidden in Wei Ying's hair, he proceeded to hum their love song into his ear. It was almost a whisper but he wanted to let Wei Ying know that he was not alone in this. He also hoped that remembering their love would help him relax. It seemed like they had quite a long day ahead of them.