The meaning of protecting you with my life

Failure of a father and uncle

Jiang Fengmian opened his eyes when he heard unexpected noise outside of his prison cell. He had no idea whatsoever about how long he had been asleep as his consciousness slowly returned to him and he remembered what had happened yesterday. Or was it really yesterday? He could not tell, the only thing he was sure of was that it had been before he and nearly all his family had cried themselves to sleep.

He quickly sat up, suddenly overcome by fear that everything had just been another delirious dream of his and not reality. Then again, would it not be better if his children were not held captive together with him and his wife? Still, he had never felt such a strong relief in his live as when he had seen Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli joining them in their imprisonment.

His eyes were long used to the dimness of the cell so he immediately stopped that there were indeed three figures sleeping entangled on the ground. If he had been standing, his knees would have given out under him from the sheer relief. He had not dreamt all of this up, his family was finally reunited! Well, most of it, the only one missing was Wei Wuxian.

After what he had learned from his children and his wife, Jiang Fengmian was not even sure anymore if the boy considered them as his family or as someone who he had a life debt to repay to. It certainly seemed possible that Wei Wuxian thought of himself as a servant of the Yunmeng Jiang clan; after all, his wife had been treating him like that the whole time he had been living in Lotus Pier and Jiang Fengmian had never really stopped her.

Not that he did not try, but after a while, he realized that any mention of the boy in front of his wife would devolve into a fight between them. And more often than not, those fights were won by Yu Ziyuan when Jiang Fengmian simply had had enough and left the battle. He had thought that he could make it up to Wei Wuxian by showing him more affection, however, that too had been a loss for him because it only pained Jiang Cheng to see that his father favoured someone else than him.

Any accusation that Wei Wuxian was his biological son that he doted on could not have been farther from the truth, he would never want to pretend taking Wei Changze's rightful place in the boy's heart. He never wanted to become his father. Nevertheless, he and Wei Changze were still sworn brothers and it was only right that he considered himself Wei Wuxian's uncle. Still, he had failed even in that aspect it would seem.

He had never stopped his wife from belittling and scolding the boy, he had never stepped between them and tried to tackle the issue of Wei Wuxian feeling like a servant more than like a brother to Jiang Cheng. He had never tried to correct the erroneous beliefs; he had only ever encouraged them really.

He projected himself and Wei Changze in place of Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng, and he liked the idea that they would be the same in the future: a sect leader and his subordinate. It worked well enough in the past with his own sworn brother so he had thought it would be beneficial to both boys as well. That was why he had not discouraged Wei Wuxian saying that he wanted to protect the Yunmeng Jiang clan, that it was his duty. He only ever praised the boy for this plan and his dedication.

He did not know when exactly he started to realize that this had been a grave mistake. Was it only when he had been captured and learned that Wei Wuxian had indeed given up his life while protecting his other children? He would have liked to believe that it had been sooner, even before he had been captured, before the attack on Lotus Pier had taken almost his whole family away from him. But he could not lie to himself, not when the parting words to his adoptive son had been to protect the others. Even though his words were not as harsh as his wife's, the meaning was still the same, at least to Wei Wuxian's ears.

Once again, he was overtaken by regret; he could not remember any time he had actually said to his children, all three of them, that he truly loved them. Without any conditions or strings attached. Just free of charge parental love. Of course, he felt that but he had never voiced it for them. He knew now how uneasy it had made them and how much they needed to hear those words, to know the love he had for them, during the time they had thought he and his wife had been dead.

Had he ever actually spoken to his children openly before? Not a lecture or giving directions, but simply talking to them like a father should? Helping them to open up and voice their worries and troubles? No, unfortunately that had not been his cup of tea and he knew it only too well. He preferred letting the children figure everything out for themselves. Which, in a long run, made them unable to talk about their problems altogether, hiding them deep in their mind, letting them fester until they could not be overlooked anymore, and then still pretending like everything was alright.

Had it perhaps been this attitude of his which had pushed Wei Wuxian into who he was now? Completely disregarding himself and just blindly following the distorted belief that Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan had installed in him even since being a small child? Had all his carefree attitude and happy-go-lucky personality been just a cover to hide all his pain? Jiang Fengmian did not need Wei Wuxian to answer that question for him, he knew fully well that it was true. And he was also sure that it was not all the extent of it either.

He had truly failed in his position of both father and uncle to all three of his children.

Realizing all of this was just a first step though, now he had to correct his behaviour. Although that was easier said than done seeing the situation they had found themselves in.

He had no more possibility to show how sincere in his feelings he was because the door flew open, waking the other three inhabitants of the cell instantly. A bunch of Qishan Wen sect's soldiers came inside and headed towards each of them. Jiang Fengmian had no more strength to struggle, not after long months of captivity, the same could have been said about his wife. Jiang Yanli was apparently so stunned she let herself be manhandled towards the door easily enough. Only Jiang Cheng tried to put up a fight but he was quickly pacified by several slaps to his face.

They were led, half walking and half carried, through the hallways of Nightless City, up and up until they could once again see the light of the sun coming in through the windows. Jiang Fengmian felt blinded and was blinking away tears from his eyes. It had been such a long time since he had seen anything else but his cell and felt a breeze on his face.

He could however not enjoy the moment; he was afraid that it could mean only one thing: they were led to the palace to be finally executed. He was at peace with himself, he knew for a long time how all of this would end. He was however sorry for his children, they did not deserve such fate, they still had all their lives in front of them.

With his heart breaking in his chest, he whispered, hoping that his words would reach the ears they had been intended for: "A-Cheng, A-Li, I love you."

He regretted not being able to say them earlier, now, he did not even know if his children actually heard them. It was too late for anything; this was the end. The door to the Nightless City throne room opened in front of them, Wen Ruohan was waiting.