Love's A Real Thing Right?

Chapter 34:There's no rule saying the guy has to provide, right?

Then everything went dark and he was back in the dark room with Umi.

Ace began frantically looking around the room, "What, what, what just happened?"

"Your life flashed before your eyes, well ours."

"Ours?"

"Yep ours Ace, That Ace was the truth of what your life really was. You always said you killed people because you felt like that. That you were bad, but that's not the truth, the truth is Ace you're me and I'm you, and we're both still that four year old boy who's mother hates him and he can't please. That little boy who's waiting for someone to look at us and know we're broken and hold us and tell us it's ok, but the world isn't as nice as that is it. That's why you locked me away in that dark room wasn't it, you felt as though the world was too cruel for us, so you locked me away. You never thought that ball of sunshine would release me did you. And now you're gonna lock me away again aren't you Ace?"

"What do you want me to say Umi? Yes? Yes I hid myself away because I was afraid of the world? Yes I locked you up? Yes I'm just a sad scared four year old at the end of the day? No I'm not you are!" Ace argued

"But I'm you Ace."

"No you're not Umi, you were me. I'm me now, the world made me like this, you think I can be sad, or I can be hurt or I can be myself. No I can't, I have to be the me I am now, I have to be numb I have to be everything you aren't."

"But what about the ball of sunshine Ace."

"The ball of sunshine? Umi she's never coming back, she's gone forever."

"But she loved us, she really loved us."

"Maybe she did at some point, but things change Umi, things changes. Now just promise me you'll go away, promise me you'll stay in here away from me."

"But it's dark and lonely in here Ace, I don't wanna be alone."

"Neither do I Umi, but we are, we are alone, and it's easier to be alone when I'm numb, and I can only be numb if you stay here, so please, please just go away again, just let the pain go away please Umi. Because I just can't do this no more, I feel like I'm running a race, and everytime I feel as though I'm nearing a check point or one of my goals, when I reach it, I'm flung right back to the starting line, and it's like everytime I get sent back, there are new obstacles in my way, and when I pass those obstacles there are new traps that fling me back, and at this point, everyone is passing me, and finishing the race. They're happy, and celebrating, but I just can't make it to any of my checkpoints to relax, or maybe feel a little accomplished, I'm just running a never ending cycle, and I'm sure I've run further than alot of people, because they've never been flung back to the starting line, and I don't understand why, and it's like I really wanna reach my checkpoint, and everytime I come really close to it, I give it my all to reach it, and I never do, or I reach it, and pass it, and start moving on to the next checkpoint, and them I hit a trap, and I'm flung back to the start, and I'm just tired now, I'm scared to continue running, because what if I hit another trap and have to start over again, but if I lag behind to much, everyone will laugh at me, and it's a race, so I have to make up for my lost time with effort, but I'm also running out of effort, and I want the rewards of finishing the race, but finishing it seems impossible, no matter what I do, or how hard I try, and I just wanna stop the race, quit the race, but if I quite the race, I'll just stop existing, and I don't want to, because I really want the rewards and to celebrate and just be happy."

"I know Ace, so do I, but you can't just block everyone out and stay by yourself, you need people in your life to be there for you, for us."

"People to be there for me, for us? Can't you remember we tried, we tried having friends and letting people in and being there for people? You know, I don't check up on my friends all the time because I think they're doing bad, I check up on them for them to tell me they're OK, and ask me how I'm doing, and give me some advice, because I'm tired, I'm tired of being THE don't kill yourself because that's not the answer friend, I'm tired of being THE no, people care about you friend, you're not alone friend, THE if you die tomorrow it'll matter to people and they won't be able to move on friend, because I've experienced it all. And I know it's lies, and that it's all fairy tales you feed to people so that they stay because I really will miss them. But life isn't that kind to let me sit and mourn them, everyone around me will just say, it makes no sense being sad, move on, they're gone now. There's nothing you can do, but that doesn't matter, I know the world lies, and I know everything is fake, and people pretend, but you know what, I just want someone like me in my life, someone that can lie to me and tell me I matter to them, but do that everyday for the rest of my life, someone who is going to make me feel what I try to make my friends feel, that I might not be able to promise to miss you everyday after you die, but I can spend as much of my life with you as I can so that if you do die, I'll have memories of you to remember you by everyday, so that I really won't forget you and I'll remember you. Like how I remember Aurora everytime I look at the necklace I bought her, or the old pop socket she had, or the Twenty dollars she gave to me, or the jacket she bought me, or everytime I go to the mall, or when I eat pizza, or when I laugh, or when I feel pretty, or when I get complimented, or when I feel happy, or when I'm sad, or when I flip my hair, or pout, or even when I breathe, the way I will always remember her, I just want someone to be that way for me, but that is unfair isn't it, because I'm that way for her, and I'll never be able to be that way for someone else. Umi, I can't begin to put into words the Hiraeth I feel for Aurora because sometimes home isn't four walls, sometimes it's a 5'5" girl you constantly only had the time to make eye contact with and instantly fell in love."