Love's A Real Thing Right?

Chapter 37: Unsaid words

Sylvia began tearing up while reading through the letters Ace never sent, but she couldn't stop, for the first time since she met him she was finally learning about him so she continued reading;

[Aurora, you said that in five years if we're single we'd get married right, but you said that we argue to much, and you aren't able to deal with that, so I don't understand that. You said it's ok because you're comfortable with me, but how does that make sense, if I love you, and you love me, then wouldn't it be ok to stay together, if five years from now we'll still love eachother enough to get married. Why waste five years of not being together? If I love you, and you still love me right, all the things we've worked through, even the day we broke up, and I tried to work it out, you said that not to pity you, but if we love eachother, then why is it that when you broke up with me in Shimotsuki, after four hours we worked it out. It was ok, but if I did like you, and when you realized I was crying you said let's work it out, I said no, don't pity me, just go, then wouldn't it have taken longer? But we would've made up, so then if we love eachother, why is there a time line on how long we have to make up with eachother? And the conversation we had was that you don't care about what Danica does, because you love her, so it's ok if she hurts you, and you all argue, as long as she wants to make up, you all are good, and that applies to some of your friends right. Why is it that we're over because we argue and hurt eachother? Why is it ok when Danica and your other friends do it? But if we do it to each other, it's wrong, and we need to go our separate ways, and get over eachother? Why is it that you can tell me that you don't want to do certain things, but you only do it because of Danica? Why is it you can do things you don't wanna do because of Danica? But if I ask you to do something like watch an anime like AOT with me, and you don't wanna do it, you won't, because that's how it is? Don't I love you enough, am I not there for you, are we not close enough, don't I know enough about you, haven't I proven my love for you? What haven't I done, that no matter what I do, you put your foot down with me and say, I'll never do that, or no? But if it comes to Danica you'd drop everything for her? And why is it, that if I make a simple slip up, I have to pay for it, but when Danica made you hurt so much, and say that all you have is fake friends, when I said talk to her or we'll have to break up because I can't stand to see you hurt yourself. You said that well nothing is gonna change by talking to Danica, so I guess we're over, you said that I broke your heart, Aurora you once again chose Danica over me, the nine months we were together, you always chose Danica over me. Yes sometimes you stood up for me when she insulted me, but other than that, you chose her over me always, you chose to end our relationship over reprimanding Danica for hurting you. You chose to let Danica hurt you than tell her if she valued your friendship, then she would be kinder to you. And when we broke up, you let everyone say that you were better off without me, you let everyone say us breaking up did you good, but you loved me, I stopped talking to Kim, not because you didn't like her, but because she had nothing good to say about you. But after we broke up, you love me, but let people say bad things about me? You didn't care about me to the point where you didn't care that we recently broke up, you talked to your ex for an hour letting him explain himself. How am I supposed to feel, not more than five months ago you were saying you loved him in your sleep, then again about three months ago. So how am I supposed to feel, you talk to guys who you haven't know for more than three months everyday after we broke up because they are checking in on you. Like I'm not checking up on you, like I abandoned you, you asked me to stay your friend, you love me still, but you say that we argue to much. Well let me explain all our arguments or complaints, you have too many guy friends, how am I wrong about this, all your guy friends would fuck you if they got the chance, they would all. I don't blame you for being beautiful and guys wanting to do that, I blame you for the friends you make, but again, you have to because if you don't, you can't go anywhere with Danica. I trust you, but I don't trust the guys you know. People take advantage of girls, they spike drinks and do all kinds of things, Njohn once said he would do that to Danica when they went to the beach house because she was asking for it. But I'm supposed to be comfortable with you going to another country on vacation and staying in a house with these guys, going clubbing with these guys? I don't trust them. Rak, he may be my friend, but get him drunk enough, and I don't know what he might do, Venice if he got the chance he would take advantage of you I mean he tried to grab your boobs while we were laying down watching a movie and if I didn't stop him he would've done it. But I was wrong and only argued about your friends, I always told you that people that dress the way you dress made me uncomfortable, so if you could dress a little more decent I would appreciate it, but I argue about your dressing to much, and lastly the time you spent with me when we went by Danica, let's take an hour right, you give each friend ten minutes, so it's equal, but wait I only got ten minutes whereas the next fifty were spent with your friends. But again, I'm wrong, now let's take seven hours, that's four hundred and twenty minutes, we take out half an hour in washroom trips, thats three hundred and ninty minutes, then thirty minutes for my washroom trips and going to pray in Danica's room, another Twenty minutes, we're at three hundred and fourty minutes now, then sixty to one hundreds minutes playing group games, now we're at two hundred and ninety minutes, take out sixty minutes to eat, and then there's the fact that you never ate breakfast when going by Danica, so you take ten minutes in the bathroom vomiting, and then an extra ten minutess to start eating, so we're at two hundred and ten minutes, then we take away the time to take pics, that's twenty minutes, then the time that Danica's parents are around, so you have to move away from me, thats about forty minutes. We're at One hundred and fifty minutes, then we give each friend fifteen minutes, Danica, Venice, Aron, Shane, that's four friends, were at sixty minutes, thats ninety mins left, then we remove like twenty minutes for me to socialize with the rest of them, because it'll look disrespectful, we're at seventy minutes, thats one hour and ten minutes, in a seven hour gathering. We only spent One hour and ten minutes together. And if it's a shorter garthering, it's less time, and we only went out twice, but I complained for nothing, in seven hours I only got to spend one hour and ten minutes of it with you, and it wasn't all together. It was accumulated throughout the seven hours, so maybe ten minutes every hour, maybe an hour passed where I got not attention, but I'm annoying, and I argue to much. I told you I was overly clingy, you just never believed me, when we went out boxing day, yes we spent time, but majority of it was shopping or walking around the mall, when all I really wanted to do was sit with you and hold your hand and look into your beautiful eyes and talk face to face. So all I'm trying to say is this, if you really love me as much as you said you did, explain to me all these questions I have else, stop giving me hope that you love me and it might work out, tell me you don't love me anymore. So I can take the pain, and know that I need to leave you alone as a relationship partner, and just be your friend alone, you don't need to answer all the questions if that's the case. But don't tell me you love me, but we just need to be friends, because that's bullshit, I love you, you love me, and like you said, as long as you love the other person, it's ok if they hurt you, so just clarify these things, please, that's all I ask, please just clarify it. {12/1/2021}]