Love's A Real Thing Right?

Chapter 41: The Journal; Part 4

For Sylvia reading Ace's journal was like that of an emotional rollercoaster, one moment he was full of confidence arguing with himself in the future, other times he was talking about how depressing his life was while turning it into a joke. But while reading Ace's journal she noticed one constant and that was Ace still loved this Aurora girl with his entirety;

[2/4/2021, Hey future me, you know, I know why we thought Aurora was the answer. It wasn't because we still loved her, and it wasn't entirely because everyone ever is even shittier than her. It's because she's the only person we've ever felt safe around, and it hurts to know that the person who broke us the worst is the only person we can feel safe around. Also, I don't think she even truly cares for us, because honestly, if she was worried or cared, she would've messaged today to see if we were ok, just to check up on us. But she didn't, and you know what future me, we can't just leave her and disappear. Not because we don't want too, but because she was there to listen to us, when our life was in ruin, as she always was, yet we had people do the same and we had to leave because they were a bad person, and as such, all I can say, is that until she messages or calls, we won't ok future me. Because one day we'll feel better, or maybe one day we'll die, which ever it is, it'll be ok I guess.

3/4/2021, Hey future me, Aurora says she cares, and she's worried about us, yet she didn't even bother to message or call. How's that care? It's more like she pretends to care, and well, I guess we'll always care for her. But that's life isn't it? Future me, that's our life to live.

4/4/2021, Future me, I don't understand, if it was Aurora that something was wrong with, we'd pester her, constantly, every minute, until she answered. Whether it be to tell us stop or whatever because then we'll know she's good. But she hasn't messaged again, or called, or anything. At this point, I know for sure she doesn't care about us, she really just pretends and as such, we're really gonna leave her life, but she's really good at pretending, I'll have to give her that, she's by far the best pretender in the whole world, out of everyone I ever met. But maybe it isn't that she's a good pretender, but the fact that we want what she's saying to be true plays a major role, one of the biggest roles in us believing her. But that's ok future me, like I said, one day we'll dissappear, one day. It's getting nearer and nearer, but there'll be that day. Until then, we're just existing future me, we're just existing.

5/4/2021, Hey future me, you know, it's not that we don't want to find other girls attractive, it's just that ever since we met Aurora and fell in love with her, we've never found anyone else to be beautiful. And it's not that she's the most beautiful girl in the world to other people, because people have told us she was ugly. But our world revolves around her, and to us she really is the most beautiful, and people talk about how easy it is to move on, and how people who are still holding on are just in love with someones potential. But I'm not, I know people change over time, even Aurora told me people change over time. But we made a promise right? One to stay with eachother and work with eachother through all our changes, we made a promise to be loyal to eachother forever and ever, until the day we die. I guess Aurora held up her end of the bargain, because the day she left we died inside, so I guess she was there until we died. Also future me, I saw something today that asked if we would rather spend a year with our soulmate knowing they will die at the end of that year, or never meet them. And to be honest, I'd rather spend a year making as much memories as I could and having as much fun, being with someone who loves me and I love. Never having to question whether what I'm feeling is true, or just me lying to myself and being manipulated. And then when they leave, and I'm missing them, and remeniscing over our memories and getting happy. I won't get sad after because their out there in love with someone else, but because their in heaven waiting on me. Because I'd rather miss someone who I know loved me to the end and never look stupid saying how much I still love and miss them. Than have two years of happiness with someone that'll leave me and go be in love with someone else. But I guess that makes both of us doesn't it future me? Because no matter how much you pretend, or how much you deny it, you'll always miss, and always love Aurora, with all of your heart and being. Because she really was the love of our life, and I guess that's ok, because atleast now that we really think about it, we didn't do her bad, she did us bad. But she never did, she just did what made her happy, and we can accept that, because although it hurts, we can't hate her, because we love her to much, and that's dumb. We know, but you know what, it's ok, because we'll die just now future me, the day's coming, sooner than you think.