Love's A Real Thing Right?

Chapter 39: The Journal; Part 2

Sylvia didn't know what to think as she read through Ace's journal, but she did begin to understand the things he said and why he said them;

[ 23/3/2021, Hey future me, it's us again :) , it's around twenty-five minutes past five in the afternone, remember those days when Aurora and us would send the post that said however sent it first loved the other person more? And we would remember it all the time, but she would delete the post from our account, and then send it back from her account? Why did she do that? Was all just like a game to her? Like saying I love you more, sending those posts, was it all just fun for her? Did it actually mean nothing? What about the day we were really tired and asleep, and she messaged and called our phone non-stop, and then messaged saying that if we didn't answer she would cry, and how she missed us so much, what was that? Was that just her over reacting, I don't even know what to call it, why did she do that? And how could she go from that to not caring about us anymore? And even moving on before a month had passed since we broke up? You know future me, were spending time in by our father's friend right now, with Uncle Bill. Uncle Bill keeps telling us how we should make get married or something like that, you know, and we told him you know, that it has this girl we love, but well it's complicated, and he told us that no matter what, nothing in this life is yours, even if you get married, after you die your wife could no longer be yours, she another man's wife, same for a man. I heard this and everyone agreed. Am I the only one who thought, I'll never marry again if my wife dies, because I loved her, and I love her too much to tell another woman I love her like that, or that she means anything close to what my dead wife meant to me, and he told us that we're weird and something is wrong with us. I mean he told us we were weird because we don't masturbate, he told us we we're weird because we don't get an erection randomly throughout the day, or like if we touch ourselves in that area, there isn't a reaction, like we don't get hard, and we only get hard like if we actively think about you know future me, inappropriate stuff, you know the more we describe ourselves to people, the more they say to us that we are complicated and weird, so I guess majority rules. But the funny thing is, aren't we just doing and portraying the right and respectable and responsible qualities? And don't alot of other people have those, some of the people who tell us we're weird have some of those qualities, so then why are we weird? How are we weird? The people who tell us we're weird are the ones that are weird right? But then, tell me this right future me, what if we really are weird, what if it isn't majority rules, but we should actually give into our wants and desires like everyone says we should? Because we lived our lives trying our best not to give into our wants, and that made us weird, but then is weird wrong, or is weird right? Future me, we're really confused right now, but today for the first time someone told us it's ok that we know Aurora is bad, and we may incur alot of problems, but it's ok to hope that she becomes a better person, it's ok to still love her, it's ok future me. Even though we might need to keep moving even though we may have lost the zeal, it's ok to move on and hope the zeal will come back, although future me, the way things are going, we just might have someone's dream life, and it was our dream life as well, the only thing is, it looks like it won't be with our dream person. But it's still the dream life isn't it? Maybe that person will be our dream person, because future me, right now we don't even know what we want, we want those qualities in Aurora, which is near impossible, but is it wrong future me, are we wrong because personality wise we can get the girl, but we don't want her because she isn't Aurora? Are we being greed and unsatisfied and ungrateful, future me, why's life so hard? Did our life get easier, are we happy, are we truly loved, because future me, we even say we want to be truly loved. But some how we feel as though, even if we are, by some miracle truly loved by a person, if it isn't Aurora, we won't be content. And I don't like that, because we feel ungrateful, it's like we're asking for food, and we get food, and it tastes delicious, and people would love to have it, and it's really rare and amazing, like baked lamb and mashed potatoes or something, and we would rather have two doubles with medium pepper. Future me, why are we like that, why can't we just die, atleast then, everything will be finished, we're a bad person, we're selfish, we pretend for people, and we just say words out of our mouths, and we keep trying to make ourselves the victim, looking for pity, future me, keep trying and hoping to die like we are right now, atleast that's the only true thing about us right? We want to die? Yet we feel like that's a lie as well, we don't want to die, because we feel as though we'll miss certain things, and we'll go to hell, but if we die this constant back and forth will stop won't it, so future me, keep hoping and trying to die, please, that's the only solution to all our problems.