I Hate You, I Love You

chapter fifteen | guilt

[the next day at 12 pm]

"Dix, wake up" charli shook me. I groaned because I wasn't heavily sleeping last night. "What" "wake up it's 12 pm and you're coming with Addison and I to get our nails done"

"No I'm not" I sat up. "Why are you being a douche?" Charli said. "Well maybe because I fucked up my life last night"

"Huh? How? What happened?" She asked, sitting on my bed. "I-I cheated on Noah" "you what!?" charli looked like she was going to murder me. "I was drunk and I didn't know what I was doing.."

"Well I'm sorry dix. It'll get better I promise. Now come on we're leaving" charli got up and walked to my door. "Ok hold on" I said. I got out of bed.

-

"What color are you getting?" I asked addi. "Um I don't know." She chuckled. I picked out black, my normal color and today it signaled, depression...

We got our nails done and went out to lunch. We stopped at chipotle (fun fact: i hate chipotle). It was yummy, but I was still caught up in my thoughts and I was missing Noah like crazy.

Dixie

Dixie, hello

Earth to Dixie

What're you doing?

Chari got me out of my thoughts. "Dixie!?...are you thinking about him?" She asked. We're in chipotle eating our food and I wasn't in the mood to have a breakdown

"Y-yeah...I'm so stupid" I looked down. Addison stroked my hair "hey hey hey, you are not stupid it was just a stupid mistake." Addison reassured me.

"What if he finds someone better?" Tears started to form in my eyes. "That couldn't be possible because there's no one better than you" charli smiled.

"Thank you, but it's not helping. I'm never gonna heal" "how about we go home and talk" Addison said, getting up from the table. Char and I agreed and we left.

We got home and went upstairs to my room. We watched a movie and before we knew it, it was 4:30.

"Hey how about you delete pictures of you guys together..that'll help" Addison said. "No. I'm keeping every memory because I probably will never see him again.." I looked at them.

"Ok..if you want that then sure." Addison and char gave me friendly smiles. I'm never getting over that boy because I'm so in love with him and that'll never change, even if he moves on...

[2 weeks later]

It had been about 2 and a half weeks since the whole incident and break up. I was still heartbroken, but that's just because I cheated on him. I was the one that broke him...that's what hurt me the most.

Addi had been at my house everyday for the past 2 weeks comforting me, which helped a bit but I just want Noah. All I wanted was Noah.

He told me not to contact him again, but fuck it. I'll do anything I can to get him back

Noah💔

Noah. I'm sorry.
Please talk to me.
I'm fucking broken

i didn't think he would respond because of what he said but just 15 minutes later....he responded. idk if i was supposed to be happy or not, but i guess i was...

Wow Dixie. Same. You broke me.
You did it. Now didnt I say to not
contact me ever again?

You did. But idc
I'll do anything I
can to get you back

Try all you want honey. Try.
it won't happen

Fuck this shit.
goodbye Noah,
forever...

[real life]

I seriously, just want to die right now. It's been two fucking weeks and I need him. I'm about to fly to Arizona just to see him. Just kidding..I don't wanna be that crazy ex girlfriend.

I'm just so mad at myself. For everything that has happened. I'm guilty, I can say that for sure. Fuck Tayler and his pettiness.

That night when we had sex he told me something. He told me that he had feelings for me, I denied him and said I had a boyfriend but what the fuck was I doing?

I told him I had a boyfriend yet I was the one fucking him. What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm so stupid.

————

A/N:
Sorry for the short chapter but I ran out of ideas. Dixie really be trying to get back with Noah after she fucked another dude😭 this chapter was written like 2-3 months ago😀👍

goodbye :))

Have an amazing day/night<3

Word count: 761