A little bit more red

t h i r t y - t h r e e (rewriting)

This chapter is dedicated to SunshineRainbows15  beatricebaee

"Connected"

Dray Ville

I need to fix this. I know I do.
It's time to tell her the truth. The truth about why I wanted to keep a distance. The truth is why my life is so fucked up.

Why I am so fucked up.

Why are these words coming out of my mouth even tho I don't fucking mean them?

We are always going one step forward and three steps back and if don't clear things up now, I'm going to lose her forever.

At first, I didn't want to tell her, I planned on ignoring her until it will be forgotten but the fact that she came here to talk to me about it again made me change my mind.

I don't know if I can guarantee her a good relationship. I don't know if I'm the right guy for it and I don't know my way around things like that.

But I can try.

I will try it for her.

Shit, what happened to me?

If one year ago Someone would have told me, that I would build up feelings for an intern, I would have laughed.

The things she does to me, everything she does to me drives me crazy.

I don't know if it's love, I just don't know but is not friendship.

She means too much to me.

I would never have left her alone in the hospital if this fucked up thing hadn't happened in my childhood.

I would have been there for her if my life had gone a little bit better.

I hope that if I open up to her, she will tell me more as well.

I know she hadn't told anyone the truth about her suicide attempt. Why she did it. What made her do it. I just can't understand it.

Relationship. How does it even work? How does something like this happen? How do you get started?

Suddenly, I felt like a teenager again. A teenager who has no idea about life. No idea about the future.

Fuck, but now I have to fix what I just said. I made her cry again.

Fuck man I'm such an asshole.

I leaned my elbows against the desk and buried my face in my arms.

I've never been so confused in my whole life.

I always had a plan. I always knew what I wanted. But now I was completely confused.

Different thoughts buzzed around my head. How would she react if I told her about my past? Only that was important to me.

I don't know what comes next. But I'm willing to take a few risks for that.

Old Dray would never do anything like that.
As soon as it became more serious or the girl made her hopes up, I immediately left.