Unraveling Him | A mafia Story

Chapter 20 - Mushy and whatnot

"You're helping me trust that there's a beautiful purpose in this broken heart."

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Natalie's POV

I wanted to hit him.

I wanted to grab that gun he keeps around and hit him on the head with it.

"I won't understand?" I questioned, not caring to hide how I felt offended because how dare he, "It's my job to understand," I added, taking a step forward, frustrated at his words and actions, "For god's sake, even when you keep me at an arm's length, even when you hide away every single thing about you, even when I know you for just a couple of months now, I still understand, maybe parts only, but I do."

"You killed in front of me, Nikolas, I saw in your eyes how by doing so, it soothed you," I explained, "You keep warning me, telling me that you did all these horrible things," I added, "You wanna talk about red flags, they are all over the place but that's only for someone looking at the surface," I pressed my hand over my chest, "I don't look at the surface, I studied it in books how not to look at the surface," My eyebrows pulled closer, "Do you think that if for a second only I felt threatened by you in any way, that I would've invited you into my house? That I would've even let you be in my life?"

He didn't talk, he just listened, "I am not naive, Nikolas, I am not stupid," I shook my head, "I just trust my instincts, I trust my sixth sense," I added, "So, even when I don't know everything, I still understand who you are."

"I understand that deep down inside of you...yes, there is a monster," I said everything that I knew and understood, "You said you hurt your brother, true, only a monster would do that," The muscles of his jaw worked but I carried on, not once threatened by the look in his eyes telling me to just drop it off, "But that was in the past, and you are trying everything in your power to tame that monster down, and I know, it's not easy," I shook my head, "I know how exhausting it can be to battle with the darkness inside of you and win."

"But, if you keep doing this," I pointed at him, addressing his state, "If you keep calling yourself a monster, if you keep pointing out only the bad in you, if you blame yourself for every bad thing happening, then you would never be free of that darkness Nikolas and in the end, that monster will take over again," I explained, hoping his thick stubborn brain would understand.

Air harshly pushed out of his chest, "But it's the truth Natalie," He said, "Almost every bad thing happening to the people I care about, it's happening only because of me," He added and in my brain, I imagined that I punched him so I wouldn't actually do it now and get myself killed, "It's happening because three years ago I went rogue, played some twisted sick game," His jaw clenched, "And till this day, everyone, including myself, is still paying the price of it."

His eyes dimmed with every word he muttered as his mind took him back through that memory lane and I wished he'd take me along with him, that he'd show me everything, tell me everything, "I know you're not naive, and that for some reason you feel the need to help me, but Natalie," He shook his head, "I ruin everything I touch, and unless you want to be ruined too, you should ask me to leave."

I edged forward, stealing his personal space, "Well, it's not that easy to ruin me," I said, my eyebrow raised, "And, I really doubt you'd be the one to do that."

"You don't know that."

I nodded, "I do," I said, confident in my words, "I can handle a lot, believe me, you might be the one strong physically, but me, I have a strong brain, and trust me, it can't be easily broken."