It s not even poems anymore..
Just a ..Lifless body expressing whatever she has in her soul..
... What soul,tho..? The always cold
Broken..
Ripped apart one..?
Yes..Yes precisely.That one.
..How can that have emotions in it?!..
..Dob t you get it,we have the same soul.
The same body,the same pain,the same love
The same bed,the same life..
..Yes..Yes that is right.
Precisely....And..We both know you have something left in yours..
You can dance and sing..Youbcan do art
You re so happy and so beautiful!..
...Your stories are so amazing
Your kove live is amazing..
..I wanna be you.
But you are.
I..I am?..
..Not entirely but yes.
..Then I want to be entirely!..
..You can t do that..Because oc the people around you.
..No.
What?...
..No,it s because of me.
..Of you?..
..I hate it here..I hate it everywhere..
...Don t-
I hate myself,i hate the way I look,i hate the fact that I am living,I hate this pain,I hate breathing,i hate my ilnesses..i want it to end..I hate the way that I talk,walk,speak, adress,and express.I hate my filthy nerve..The audacity with whom I speak...
I jate my guts,i hste my bones,i hate my,sometimes,pride of looking.I hate my past,my present and my future aswell.I hate the cold...cold grip that is always aorund my body and myself.
I hate the anxiety i always have.
I hate knowing I am like this..Not because I don t try,but because I tried so fucking hard
..Iris,don t-
I tried,Am trying and will continue to try..to make everyone happy,to not show my negative emotions,ti be the perfect friend!..For..My body to get a breakdown Because of the stress..And....Myself getting overweight because of a stupid gland.
..Please understand that this is going online
I don t give a fuck,no one reads these anyway! And what will they do?! They know i am venting here
...Yea..But your gilfriend
..She doesn t know shit.
..Please calm down!..For..for her?
No.No,fuck you and fuck everybody! I am always the calm one.When my loved one is screaming,when he s screaming when she is.
I can t even talk to someine! I have so much bullshit in me,and nobody can respond like an alife person to show me they re alive!
I am always cold.
I am always alone.
She will go away and she doesn t even know how the hell yo comfort mr without acting lik is nothing
I have no friends i am so alone,i am always there for everybody but..No kne was ever been there for me.
No one.Ever.
If they apologize,they make it to fell good.
...For the love of god,calm down!..do you wish for a panic attack?
..BRING IT ON,BITCH,BRING IT ON AND LEFT ME DIE!
...b..but..yiu want to be an arstit..you wang to see her,you..want to finish that book,gou will leave everybody alone!
It s always about how they are alone..Not me.I don t care,no one ever wanted me to become an artist kr go succes or to read my secret book or to mnow about my stupid fandoms!..
....
..she does want all of those.
....
She wants to see you happy..even if she doesn t know how to help you.She wants go see you succes,she wants to read your book and she looks at your fandoms..she shows ingeress in your...likings even if..for a lomg gime she didn t.
I-..
..And you care for her.You love her.
...
The small girl falls on the cold hard wood..loong down,while the bright moonlight shone upon her head and eyes..calling her to jump
..i..just..want it to end..I want to be happy,i want to be beautifull,i want to like myself..And intried..god knows i tried...
But no..
..I am always left alone..I am always left to suffer.
No one ever jelps me..and when I try to help mysekf,they bring me down..
With..
..every..
Change
They
Shall
Get.
..I am iris.
My name is Iris by my choice.
And..Being Iris it s not an easy chore.
While yes..you get advanges like..saying ,,I am Iris" being a ,,get oit of jail free" card..in many situations
.. You also can t talk.
You ..Shall just listen.
You shall try everything to succed and fail miserably.
You shall never trust the ones that hurt you..They never change.Never ever.
You shan t have friends.
You shall cry every njght.
You shall cry alone and JUST alone,or you can t.Literally
You shall be lied by eveybody,but when you Lie it s the bigvest fiasco.
You shall everything about you,vene the way you walk and breath.
You will go on anorexia every summer..For the past 3 years..And never even succed to repair yourself...Because you re broken beyound reparing.
You shall be discriminated daily.
You shall show trust in devine entitis that don t exist..Even if they fail you weekly.
You shall die of pain.
You shall die in your bloddy mother s hands..
..and get you willl stiill be comforting a peasent.
A peasent that critisez you about your problems,even tho their only problems are the one caused by them.
I am weak.
Whatever I shall say or do is against me.
Everybody is against me
..I am fighting the world..God knows for 14 hears I have been fighting the world... Never succeding just..Holding jt still..or move backwards,in my directions.
Towards my sould and my castle..
...I am losing.
...I am losing.
..i lost...I am..here..at my casstle...with my hair cut..with broken peaces all over my porcelaine face..with bruises and sctraches all over my skin.
..in..Unbereable pain I stay there..lying.. with pices of wood and rocks all over me..In..Unexplicable pain.
..I want to let it go.
..They won t ket me.
No one will let me.
Even tho i am trying so hard to be strong..i was so strong in the past,i am.sos tfong for being here today.
...they keep me here.They want me here to suffer.
Don t you get it?!..My life has been writfen already.
Whatever i do...or others do..or wtf,ehatever I don t or others don t do!..
...It is my fault.
And i Shall take the conséquences
..So..I am begging you..
..everyone of you..
..every little soul.
Please..for the love of god..let me die...let the pain end..There is mothing beyond death more painfull than this.
Let me die.
Let me vanish
Let me stop the cold grip around me..
...Let me fly in the sunset..And paint the ground wwith beautifulll shades of colours..and end it.
..like the artisy i am.
..Let me end it.
Let me end it.
Let me end it
I beg you.
