-Oh no..Oh nonono fuck..Fuck me,fuck-
-Miss,there is no need to panick!"
The nurse that was talking to me was a tall-shorted persone. She had green-ish blue-ish hazel-ish brown-ish black-ish purple-ish eyes. I couldn t tell if she had hair since she had a head-thing on.
Her skin was as dark as the void and as light as the sun itself.
Her voice was sweet while talking to me..Sweet and harsh.
She continues,trying to reasure me
-I know that it would be dangerous to take the knife out if you were in public,but this is a hospital!.. We can cure you now,just stay still"
-No,you don t understand!.. The sheets,they are white."
-..The sheets? Miss,i am sorry but you are dying. If we don t take this knife out and patch the wond now,you will pass out in hours if not minutes!"
I had glass like eyes.
I layed down. I didn t need to bring.It s a funny thing,really,when you have glass eyes you don t really need to blink.
-..Miss,i m going to pull out the knife
-If you pull out the knife here i will hang myself.
She seemed shocked,to say the least.Almost angry with my stubborness.
,,-...If we take the sheets out,will it be alright for you?"
,,-It ll be even worse. The mattres is even more deadlie for me"
It was getting harder to talk,but I managed.
,,-...With all due respect,where would you think we could do this?"
,,-..On the floor"
,,-Do you have any ideeas how many germs are on the floor?!"
,,-..I do"
She sighter being visibly angry wuth me.
,,-...Can we bring a towel at least?.."
A towel?
...A towel with blood.
,,-...You know,that sends me down memory lane"
,,-We don t have time for memory lane,you are going to die and I can t do this without your concent!"
,,-..You know,there was this one time,I wasn t home,I was at the country side. I remember I git really angry"
,,-Miss"
,,-And he,her father,got angry aswell. He,of course,couldn t hit me. He wasn t my parent"
,,-... Miss"
,,-So we just shouted at eachother,yea?And after that There was just adrelanine..I remember I calmed myself down using my ,,is it bad?" Rule"
The nurse sit down.
She had glass eyes aswell.
,,-..a..and what is that,dearie?"
Her Voice was trembling.Mine was not.
,,-Well,if someone doesn t hurt mentally or phisically someone and doesn t spread untrue things,they didn t do anything wrong"
The nurse nodded
,,-And so,I didn t hurt him. Yea sure,I told him mean things but he did too so that s cancels out. I didn y say any liee either"
,,-Mhm"
,,-But oh boy does my anger hurt" I laugher ,,You know,it cam be really strong,it can t really be contained but I made sure all my life to never hurt anyone with it.I didn t want that "
,,-I-..I guess you-..You wouldn t"
,,-Of course I wouldn t!..But,you know,It got hard to take anger from other people,double it in my head and inflict it on me. It was like I was absorbing all of it."
,,-..Miss...there is still time"
,,-And you know,they had so much hate for me, I started to cut my chuby cheeks with an blade made by stars. Then my dumb crooked smile and my button like nose. My stomach too,and my mouth and neck."
,,-..I m begging you,let me save you,there is still time, i don t know how to handle things when they go sour!"
,,-..Why?"
,,-Because a doctor always comes and takes care of it"
I took a long pause.
She wasn t that good of a nurse. Nurses do alot of things and I know that,I am not stupid.
,,-..You know why I like going to school?"
She trew herself on her knees
,,-Let me take the knife out and call a doctor!.. Fuck the school, fuck the country side,there is a knife inside of you!"
,,-Because at school,at my school at least,there is wonderful people. I never been so happy, actually. I don t feel bad to tell everyone how beautiful they are..You know,you are beauyiful aswell"
She started hitting the ground with her hands so hard,blood started to flow everywhere.
She put her forehead against the tiles and started praying.
I never believed in God but I apreciate the gesture.
,,-And When I go to school,I never feel like I have to absorb everyones anger well,because they aren t angry. I just feel at home,i laugh and am loud and no one makes me feel bad about it"
She has gone silent by now.
You know,I like doing my complicated homework,even if it s in classroom.I like doing my taro readings. Sometimes I even stay when everyones gone.
No one tells me to leave.
..They are quite nice.
They joke with me quite often,but they never make me feel dumb,even if that s what s they intend.
Nurse lady,you listening to me?
I hope you are.
You know,the same reason for loving school I have for doing roleplay all day,or rereading it.No one makes me feel dumb,it s just fun. It coukd be called cringe but if liking things that are considered dumb like making flower crowns or have one grumpy lovrr and one happy one is cringe then I don t want to be another way!
Yea it s childish.
I m childish even whem going to school,you know?
I guess it s safe to be childish.
Or to be childish when it s safe.
I can t really do that in other places.
Look lady,stop crying,I don t even feel bad anymore!..Jeez,why so many tears? I think I just healed myself,you know? I feel alot lighter and the knife isn t even there anymore!
...Is that a stain?!God!..god now ai know why you re crying!..We..We gotta get this out,cmmon,you hear me?!
...I Guess she doesn t.
Never mind that,I have to take the stain out,I have to! I have to,I have to!..I won t leave untill this sheet is as white as the snow...!.. fucking god
