..I was with them when it happend.
Realization.
..
..she told me
She made it clear.
..something that i knew but refuse fo see.
......
,,You have to eat!"
,,-I don t,i have to go like this,it helps me!"
,,No it doesn t,you will die!"
,,I won t ,i know how to controll it!"
,,-it helped no one!..No one ever,it won t help you!"
,,-..Well than,what am I suppose to do?!..I..I tried everything,i went to the gym,i go on anorexia every summer and i would do it more but i am iron amd calcium deficency!.."
,,-..Do nothing.You have your gland deteriorated.It s better if you leave it like this."
,,-..And let my mom abuse me .just..Just because i don t look like a doll?! I m trying,i m trying my best and nothing i-"
,,-..we know.And..You have to stop.Because you CAN T do something about it"
...i can t..
..i can t repair myself.
I can t be beautiful
And..Like a known person have said
,,No one will love you
If you re unnatractive"
..And it was true.
..God,it was true.
..And,i m not talking about the media
Or friends
Or a gf
Ir whatever.
..I am falking about my fucking parents.
...what do i have to do now if..She opened my eyes
And..made me realise i..I just can t repair myself?..
..Tape my limbs again?
Wear corsets?
I would do that but i am more broken than a fucking rock.
...Oh,god,i need some tape.
..i really do.
..When i look in the mirror all i see
Is..What a beautiful flower i could be
But ..roses scare me
And death is near..
..so please kill me to become a majestic corpse flowing in the river.
..So roses won t scare me
And ibcan gave them on my hair.
...as water flows inside me
And fills my veins.
..God,give me tape
So i can put myself back toghether
To be beautiful
To pull myself toghether
To ..Tape their months.
..God shut up.
..please i beg you, shut up
..And ket me speak.
And fucking listen,don t jump to conclusions.
..How hard could it be to listen?
I do it alld ay,everyday,for everyone
..I am everyones therapist.
I sacrifice for everyone
..yet you .
..You,of all poeple
Don t do shit
You just .wine and cry all day and wait for more attention.
..oh,attention
..I am starved from that shit.
..So what else shall i do
Rather than write meaningless words
On a meaningless pace
In a meaningless black backround.
..i still lover her.
I ll always will..
...but it hurts me knowing she s lying
When she s saying ,,me too!"or
,,No,i love you more"
..or whatever akong those lines.
Why?....
..because you don t
And,i doj t want to be dramatic
But..tye ammount of work i put in my love for you . ..
...Tge ammount of sacrificing my own self just to see you..?
..and..menwile you literally say ,,i don t know how to show love"
..And you re right
You don t know how to fucking show love.
..But it s alright.
No one does.
..Sometimes i would die to have a friend like me.
But i..just can t have it,right..?
..I do everything for everyone
I kill myself for them
..and they..let me flow on the river
And the flowers,now decayed
Are sprouthing in my mounth ,nose and eyes.
...and,because of that,i can t see or smell your bullshit.
..But you still give it to me and...you help their petals grow.
And they shall grow,because of you.
And they grow..and grow..
And the flowers grew!
..And the vines grow on my mounth and in my nouse
They go in my neck
...And the air can t get out.
..I can t breath because of them
I m suffocating on this rivver
Because of our flowers.
..beautiful majestic flowers.
..painted with blood.
