Light of Stars [2]

Chapter Twenty-Nine

♕ Slowly Breaking ♕

She wrapped her hands with blood stained bandages. Her arms with black clothing. She dressed herself to be one of them, she dressed herself to think like them, feel their fears and weaknesses. Raven sat and watched, her golden armor laying on the floor waiting for her to put it back on. She breathed in deeply, closing her eyes and rubbing her temple every once in a while. She was overthinking it.

They had barely spoken, and yet she could feel her far too well. Vereena concentrated on her hands, on her knives and daggers, on the few arrows she would risk carrying with her if only for the moonstone in them. But she could still feel Raven's eyes on her, watching her, studying her movements, and refusing to cooperate, refusing to take part in any of it. Everyone had agreed to go. Everyone had agreed that their only chance of learning what the queen had planned was if they worked together. And Raven had seemed excited, motivated, hopeful, until she had not. Until she had sank back down in silence and not bothered to give an opinion again.

"Can't you stop staring at me that way?" She snapped. "Why aren't you dressing up?"

"I'm not going" Raven said. "I'm not."

Vereena shook her head unsurprised, but feeling the bright disappointment travel down to her gut. "Why?"

"I don't want any one else to die. We can protect Westbrook. We don't have to go back." Raven said, desperation in her voice. "Stay with me Vereena. Let's just start over here"

"You aren't seriously expecting me to agree?" Vereena said, laughing. "You are??" She said after Raven just stared at the floor.

"I had to at least try before you went and got yourself and everyone else killed." She said, with a resentment so pure it felt like a slap in the face.

"Who even are you?" Vereena said. "You used to be the first one to jump into every single task we had. The first one to put yourself in danger for others."

"Not others. You." Raven held her stare but it didn't feel right anymore to see her like that. So many things did not feel right anymore.

"So you don't care at all anymore about what happens next?" Vereena asked, feeling her own heart stop at the words. Raven did not reply, instead she stood up, walking towards the door. "Where are you going?"

"I don't know" Raven said.

Vereena looked down. "We made a vow to protect this people. You've bled for them, shared their joy, their table. You swore you would die for them, how... how can you now stand there and want to do nothing?"

"Because I want to keep living!" Raven said. "Vereena, please. We could run away. We could be happy together. This isn't... It does not feel like our fight anymore."

"Raven.." Vereena said walking towards her before she could open the door. "I get that you aren't.. happy with me right now but..."

"Not happy with you?" Raven said, dropping her defense, her eyes more human that they'd been for a long while. A knott formed on Vereena's throat as she saw her eyes glossing over. "I'm terrified Vereena. I..." She said resting her head back on the door. "I'm a good fighter. I'm smart. I'm part of this of the Aureums. I have the marks to prove it. I'm worth something."

"I know you are" Vereena said but Raven shook her head.

"No you don't. Or you haven't wanted to remember since we left. You go out there, trying to find anything that can help but you only share what you learn with Taj or Jay or I don't know. Many people who are not us. Who are not Nova, Hazel, me."