Light of Stars [2]

Chapter Sixty-Seven

♕ Too Close to the Sun ♕

Phoenix could see it all inside her head like a fragmented piece of her mind flashing a thousand of memories at once. Placing them inside her head in full color. But outside... outside of her head everything was empty, it was and endless void of nothingness looking back at her, waiting for her to smile back.

She saw her father die in front of her, her mother remarrying only to loose her life at the hands of someone who she'd once called friend. She had seen Jackel turn down his future here, for a greater one, and loose his life too in the process. She had thought herself brighter than them all, equally as ruthless, as driven, as great, but more than that, she had thought herself a survivor and now, she stared at death in the shape of a god that was meant to protect her.

If she was honest, there hadn't been a moment trough all her life that she hadn't loved fighting for her people, that she hadn't been willing to suffer under the hand of her family for them, to keep them under some sort of protection.

She had not loved enough in this lifetime, had not believed it possible, had not believed other worthy of her affection, love only meant suffering, love was allowing others to learn which ways to destroy you, and if somehow the gods ever gave her a chance again for whatever that reason might be that would be the one thing she would do different. She would not be afraid to love. She would not be afraid to admit to herself how deeply she felt for the world around her. She would not be afraid of letting vulnerability be her best strength.

But right now... right now her strength laid in her fearlessness, in her ability to die a thousand deaths to do what was expected of her, to accomplish the things she'd bowed to do, to protect those who still believed in her honor.

She knew what taking the oath had meant. Had heard enough curses from her mother's mouth to know no one in the Clawdust line had ever survived the crown placed atop their heads. But she had said that oath proudly.

And she would do it again.

She could see herself, staring at her face one last time before she had shifted right as she entered the void. She knew it would be the last time she'd see the true shape of her eyes, the true rose color of her cheekbones. Yet somehow she'd never felt more like herself as she did when she started flying up into the sky.

It had been more than fifteen years since she had dared used this skin, the mirror of a monster. Her wings were black as the smoke of fire itself was, her horns tall and crooked, same ones as the hydra, the way it had looked so many years ago when she'd first encountered it dressed as a crow.

She rose into the sky, and let herself blow the fire away, slowly burning her feathers, but allowing the rest of them to run under the protection of her wings.

She felt the slow burning sensation of the moonlight and sunlight combined, the red of the sky melting into her, bouncing off of her wings like gravity holding it to her, not to a place in the ground but her, and the oath she'd made. It was no coincidence the blood moons had always affected Infernum more, it had not been intended for the innocent. A power of balance, that's what they were, and she'd spend hers on foolish desires. Vain things. Merciful relationships. And the love for the old traditions had cursed them all to this. Along with the balde of her sword.

Phoenix yelled.

She would not yield underneath the fire.

She would not die just to let them burn after her.

But she felt herself slipping.

Her blessing failing her, weakening for the first time in ... forever.

Like a touch of warm breath, a caress of the wind in the morning light, she felt it, her, melting stardust into her wings like support, like holding her hand after a bad dream. She could feel them both, holding her up in the sky, not letting her wings fail her. Pushing the rest of the fire away. She could feel him, hiding the things he could, evaporating them out of existence. She could feel her, the love she had not for her but the place Pheonix had loved all her life. The thought was almost unbearable, that someone so strange could've fallen in love with a place like this. But even the purest of souls had darkness inside them too. And Aubrette had plenty. More than she had given her credit for.

Phoenix held onto her and wished her luck after this. Wished for her to wear the crown of the land she loved as well, regretted only not living long enough to pay her back for fighting without hesitation alongside her, regretted only not breathing for long enough to see the crown truly place on her head. She hoped Dorian would lean into her, the way he had never been able to lean for her. Knew the two were closer than her brother and her had ever been and found some peace on that knowledge.

She let her eyes fill with tears, knowing, feeling deep inside her bones that they saw her as family, even after all. And spread her wings wider, covering the most light she could, screaming as she did.

For them she would fly into the sun and burn, and for her, they would remember her when they saw her reborn in the singing of birds, and the ashes of the wind.

Smiling, Phoenix let herself unravel.