Light of Stars [2]

Chapter Sixty-Three

♕ Unmoored Illusions ♕

There was a twirling image inside her head. There was the faded echo of her mothers voice, the brightness of her own self in the ball, the still loud yell of her own voice begging for the pain to erase itself from her body.

She could feel her self drifting in an out of conscience. Could feel her mind turning on and off. Her eyes wanting to remain open, her ears trying to hold on to the sounds of the room around her. Yet she was far too tired to remain away, her eyelids felt too heavy, and there was not enough air inside her lungs to keep her awake, not enough light in her to want to fight to stay awake.

Aurbette turned around, feeling the pillow shift from warm to cold and let her mind drag her back again.

She was flying.

The sky was at her side as she lifted off towards the clouds. They held her hand and kissed her hair, and the win made sure to keep her floating. Its whistle felt the same as a harmonized melody, singing her to sleep.

There was a second where she closed her eyes and let the breeze mess with her hair, a second where she thought she might be actually endless, a second where she felt her soul expand beyond the sky and ocean's blueness, where she felt it shatter and bend and mend and aid the wind in its travels.

She thought she was flying, but she was only flawlessly falling.

Her eyes opened again, the room was black, dark, endless. She could almost see shadows surrounding her head. She closed her eyes. Opened them. Closed them again. Twice, thrice, fifteen times. It was useless, she could feel them, and in her mind, they appeared before her eyes in the same way they had back at the ball, back when she'd let them touch her, let them try and rip her skin apart, as she had gotten close enough to their faces to see her face reflected through her eyes. To see her own fear feeding their laughter.

Aubrette felt her throat close up, tried to search for signs of another heart beating in the middle of silence but could not find nothing but an empty bed.  Her eyes shut close again, tears falling down from them as she remembered the voice of her mother inside of her head. Tearing through her own thoughts until she could not distinguish which had been her own.

It was all in her head.

All in her head.

She tried to breathe through the panic, tried to think about how the cover felt against her hands, soft, warm, cold. Tried to remind herself where she was, and where she was not. She was in Infernum not Blackstone, she was in the manor not Exilium, she was in Dorian's room, not her mother's dungeons. She tried to repeat the words until they sank in, but even then her heart could not slow down. It only went faster, one torturous beat at a time.

Her eyes could not stay closed anymore, the dark was not safe, her mind wasn't safe, and those things in front of her were a better alternative than hearing her own self speak.

I warned you child.

The voice of her mother echoed inside her and Aubrette could feel her eyes cloud in tears again. But not of frustration, not of fear. Tears of anger. Anger that she couldn't fight this, anger that she was not better, even after everything, even after she'd sworn it would be different. That it would be better now.

You really thought that would work?

"No. No. No. You're not here. You're not real. You can't find me" she spoke, she could hear her voice in her ear, dry, and low, but her own. "Its in my head. Its in my head. You can't harm me. Its not real"