Friends or lovers (jemilyxreader)

Chapter 21

Tw: mentions of suicide

One week later

y/n POV:

I haven't left my house since I got out the hospital. I told Aaron to make up some bullshit story to tell the rest of the team because I simply wasn't ready to tell them I lost the baby. I felt so many different emotions but at the same time I was numb. Aaron would take care of Val because I didn't have the energy to do so. I would wake up and lay in bed all day I barely slept or ate, quite frankly I never left my room.

As I laid in bed staring at the ceiling I heard the front door open but I didn't feel like getting up. A few minutes later I heard the bedroom door open and I assumed it was Aaron coming in. He came and sat next to me and planted a light kiss on my forehead. He sat there caressing my face, he looked like he wanted to say something but was hesitating so I spoke up first "I- I think I'm ready to tell em and jj" "y/n are you sure, there's no pressure". I paused to think "yeah I'm ready, just not today, maybe tomorrow" "okay I'll invite them over tomorrow after work" I nodded my head and turned to the other side to try and sleep.

I heard Val start to cry and Aaron got up to go check on her. Honestly, I was so thankful for how understanding Aaron was throughout this he never left my side and never pressured me to do anything. Just thinking about it helped me to go to sleep.

•••
I woke up and looked over at the clock and it was 9:15 in the morning, the next day. That was the longest I had slept in who knows how long. I decided to take a shower since em and jj are supposed to come over later. I slowly got out of bed and walked to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror to see dark under eye bags. I just stared at the reflection in the mirror, I hated it, it made me sick to my stomach. I went and got back in bed and just cried. I tried my hardest to fall asleep and I did.

By the time I woke up it was 4 in the afternoon which meant em and jj would be coming over soon. I forced myself to get out of bed and shower. I ran straight past the mirror and just got in the shower. I let the warm water hit me and it felt soothing. I stood there and a tear streamed down my face. I tried to hold back my tears but they wouldn't stop. After what felt like forever, I got put the shower and put on some leggings and an oversized hoodie. I sat by the edge of the bed and just let my thoughts get to me. Without thinking, I got up and went to the bathroom, I searched everywhere for a razor until I found one under the sink. I grabbed it and sat on the bathroom floor. At first I didn't do anything but stare at it. Slowly I rolled up my sleeves and brought it to my arm.

•••

Emily's POV:

Right now I was in the car with jj and we were headed to y/n's house. Earlier Aaron pulled us aside and let us know that y/n had something to tell us. He was gonna come with us but he got held up because of paperwork. Aaron had told us to just use the key to go inside instead of knocking. So once we got there, jj unlocked the door and we walked inside. We looked in the living room and the kitchen but she wasn't there. So we walked to the bedroom but she wasn't in bed. I saw the bathroom door open halfway so I walked toward it. I looked and saw y/n passed out on the ground with blood on her arms. I ran over to her "shit y/n what have you done" I yelled out for jj and she ran in a few seconds later "jj call 911". She waisted no time in doing so.

Everything happened so fast, one moment I was on the ground holding on to y/n and the next we were at the hospital and they were taking her to a room and forcing jj and I to stay in the waiting room. I had tears streaming down my face and so did jj. I sat down next to jj and pulled out my phone. I called Aaron in a rush "emily what's up" "it's y/n" I tried to say it but I couldn't "Emily, what about y/n" "she-she tried to-to kill herself". He went silent for too long. "Aaron are you there" "where are you" "we're at the hospital" "send me the address I'm on my way"

•••
We had been sitting in the waiting room for what felt like hours. Aaron had been pacing back and forth since he got here. I sunk down into the chair and tilted my head back to stare at the ceiling. "Are you guys here for y/n" I jumped up and nodded.
•••
Months later

It had been months since my last attempt and I had since got the help that I needed. Aaron, Emily and jj never left my side and I was so thankful for that. I did end up telling them that I lost the baby and then I told them to tell the rest of the team about everything because I simply couldn't handle that.

Today was my first day going back to work ever since that case. Aaron had to meet Strauss so he left early and took Val with him. I went and got dressed and got in my car to go to work. I was nervous to walk in but I put that aside and got on the elevator. I made my way to my desk and felt all eyes on me. I turned around and immediately everyone went back to what they were doing. I went back to what I was doing but then I heard someone walking towards me. I looked up and saw Penelope standing there with a huge smile on her face. "Omg y/n I've missed you so much" I got up and pulled her into a tight hug. "How are you lovebug" "I'm okay, getting better little by little" I smiled at her and she pulled me in for another hug. Derek came up behind her and looked at me.

I had spent the last hour just talking to everyone else on the team and to be honest I really missed them. After that I had gone to get some coffee. I felt a hand on the small of my back and I turned to see jj standing there, "hey I need to talk to you in Aaron's office, so when you're done here just come by his office" I nodded and she walked away. I finished making my coffee and walked towards his office. The door was closed so I knocked. jj had opened the door and pulled me in. She closed the door behind her and I sat on the chair across from Aaron's desk. He sat there waiting for jj to talk. "y/n we needed to talk to you because we have an idea and we need your input"...
•••

Btwww I never proofread my chapters so if there's ever any errors then my bad