FINDING HERSELF

PROLOGUE

Early morning in Mumbai, a girl is sitting in her bed with her earphones in, listening music.

Koi yeh bata de main hoon kahan
(Can someone tell me, where am I?)
Koi toh bata de mera pata
(Can someone tell me, where I stand?)
Sahi hai ke nahi meri yeh dagar
(Have I chosen the correct path?)
Loon ke nahi main apna yeh safar
(Should I embark this journey?)
Darr lagta hai sapno se
(I fear my dreams)
Kar de na yeh tabaah
(Will they destroy me?)
Darr lagta hai apno se
(I fear those close to me)
De dein na yeh dagaa
(Will they betray me?)

When suddenly...

"Wake up you sleepy head." A lady shouted from outside the girl's room. The girl flinched from the sudden shouting. She removed her earphones.

"Mom, I am awake. You can leave. I will get ready and come for breakfast."

"Okay, come fast." She left.

Girl's POV:-

Goddd!! She scared me. I wasn't even sleeping. I just listen to this song everyday because it's lyrics are so relatable to me. I think, I kept the volume too high. She definitely won't shout on the first go🤦‍♀️I'll keep the volume down from next time.

But this is like my daily routine now😵I went in the bathroom to do my morning chores. After I am done, I checked out my to-do list mentally before going out of the bathroom.
Dull eyes ✔
Pale face ✔
My bad luck✔
I went out of the bathroom.

••••••Sensitive content alert••••••

A/N:- Read at your own risk
We will write in short what happened after the details of this sensitive content is over.So you will not miss out on anything.Ok bye✌

I was about to step out of my room when I remember I left one important task from my list. Damn! How did I forget about it? I ran back near my bedside table and grabbed a blade which I stuck under it to keep it away from everyone's eyes and grabbed my phone and earphones. I ran back in the bathroom and set the timer for 4 minutes since I am running out of time. It wouldn't take much time for mom to appear again. I removed the first aid box and opened the lid and kept it aside. I put on my earphones and continued my favourite song from where i left it.

Main chaand hoon ya daag hoon
(Am I the moon or the spots on it?)

I cut both my wrists, and put my hand under the running water of the sink's tap and let the blood flow with water.

Main raakh hoon ya aag hoon
(Am I the ashes or the raging fire?)

I don't even feel the pain. Instead I am feeling relaxed.

Main boond hoon ya hoon lahar
(Am I the drop or the mighty wave?)

I am numbed to pain now and I am not even sure how is this even possible but that's what I am feeling.

Main hoon sukoon ya hoon kehar
(Do I bring the tranquility or I unleash a storm?)

I am lost in the words of this song and letting the song fill my heart.

Koi yeh bata de main kaun hoon?
(Can someone tell me, who am I?)
Kyu hoon, main kya hoon, main kaun hoon?
(Do I have a purpose,a reason to be? Who am I?)
Yaqeen hai ke nahi, khudpe mujhko kya?
(Do I believe in myself or not?)
Hoon ke nahi main, hai farak padta kya?
(Does my existence even matter?)
Kiske kandhon pe roun, ho jaaye joh khataa?
(Whose shoulder should I cry on, when I falter?)
Kisko raahon mein dhoondun, kho jaaye joh pataaa?
(Whom should I find, when I lose my way?)