Only my beginning: Natasha Romanoff x fem reader

Broken hearts

Natasha POV:

I waited for a reaction, but Y/N simply swallowed before nodding. I took her ring off my finger and held it out for her, but she made no move to take it.

"Keep it, Tasha. You need to be reminded that you are loved." Her soft voice broke my heart, but I put the ring back on and walked out of her room. She closed the door behind me and I heard her sigh, and turn on Taylor Swift. Some things never change. I walked back to Steve's room where he was waiting for me, with worry in his eyes, and a trace of disappointment.

"It's done." I sigh and sit on his bed, resting my head on his shoulder. He moves his head to make room for me, but I can tell he'd rather I be somewhere else.

"I don't understand Nat. I really don't."

"Fury told me that when I was kidnapped, I almost cost the entire mission. And I was kidnapped because I was too relaxed, I was vulnerable. Y/N made me that. Fury doesn't know that that's why, but it can't happen again. I can't have that weakness, love is for children. That is what I was taught and I should have stuck to that."

"But Y/N didn't make you weak! She made you strong. I've never seen you happier, Nat. She gave you that."

"But if it ruins the missions..."

"Who cares about the missions!" Steve raised his voice, making me lift my head up and turn to look at him. Something was flashing in his eyes, possibly anger, or regret. "Love is such a beautiful thing, and life is short, you shouldn't sacrifice it for missions."

"It's done now Steve, she won't want me back."

He scoffed. "I don't believe that for a second. Nat, can you please go, I can't do this anymore."

I nodded, and stood up before placing my hand on his face, and leant forward and placed a kiss on his forehead. "I'm sorry I let you down, Steve."

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By the time it reached February, Y/N had barely spoken to me, if she saw me she would simply give me a small smile and then continue on her way. Part of me wanted her to scream at me, tell me what a horrible person I was, how I ruined her life, but she never did. Instead, she twisted up my insides every time I saw her, making me even less focused than I ever have been before.  Clint was able to disarm me easily when we sparred, and the few missions I went on were a lot harder to complete.

"Nat, what's going on?" Clint asked me once after another win in our spar.

"I just don't feel great, Clint."

"You haven't felt great in a while, not since you got back, maybe you should get it checked out."

"Yeah, maybe I will. Thanks Clint, see you tomorrow?"

"No Nat, as much as I love beating you, it's too sad. I actually miss you beating my ass. Come back when you're better." He walked away leaving me standing alone in the training room.

"I don't know if I ever will be better," I whispered to myself, whilst images of Y/N flashed in my mind like they always did. It was the worst at night, when I was all alone, with only the sweet memories of her to keep me company.

One night at dinner, Tony pointed between Y/N and me, and said; "What's up with you two? I never see you together anymore."

Y/N replied before I could, "Oh, just a little spat, it happens when you live together for a whole month." She never looked at me but gave a big smile to Tony who looked fairly satisfied. Steve gave me a sideways glance, but I just kept looking down at my plate. Steve had come around and started talking to me again, mainly because he saw how badly I was doing.

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"Does she hate me, Steve?" 

"No, she does not hate you, Nat, she knows you better than you know yourself." 

"But she didn't even argue with me. If she didn't hate me she would have shouted at me, or cried, or something! But she acts as nothing has happened." We have had this conversation many times before and I feel bad for Steve having to say the same things over and over again but I couldn't get over it. "She had plagued me, Steve. And I'm the bad guy, but I still feel like shit! I roll over in bed and expect her to be there, but instead it's empty and cold. When I walk into the library, I want to see her in our favourite chair, but she never is. When I talk to my sister, I want to invite Y/N to join, but I know I never could."

"Nat, you could just ask her, talk to her about this." Steve tutted, seeing that his solution was clear. 

"I think I broke my own heart." Steve looked back at me with a sad look on his face. "I didn't know I had one until Y/N, and now I've fucked it all up because I was so insecure."

"You haven't fucked it up, Tasha."

I spun around and saw her standing in the doorway. A small glimmer of hope rose in my chest.

"You completely destroyed it. I wish I never met you. You broke into a million pieces, and I can't live like this anymore." Out of the corner of my eye I saw a glint of metal in her hand. 

"NO, Y/N, NO!" I tried to rush forward but Steve held in me in place.

"You deserve to watch this," he growled.

Y/N lifted the knife and plunged it into her chest. Red blood started seeping out as she collapsed to the floor. Steve let me go so I could stumble over to her and hold her in my arms.

"Please don't leave me, I love you! Please, Y/N, you can't do this. I need you!" I sobbed into her neck as I felt her pulse slow until her eyes glazed over.