MR. BAD GUY (ENGLISH VERSION)

I FEEL ALIVE AND THE WORLD I'LL TURN IT INSIDE OUT

When they returned Montreux, brand new and happy, Enzo had again the routine checkup he went through every three months. News were not good and it felt like a sledgehammer.

The cancer came back. It could regard as bad news but John always found reasons to hope. Despite things were not good for Enzo.

Seemingly the cancer reappeared in the same spot as earlier on and he could submit to a new chemoembolization and the sooner the better.

Enzo recalled what it was like the last time. His flat rejection for months to do it and the serious crisis with Tarek. He also remembered the postembolization syndrome he suffered for almost three weeks. He had to go through all that again. What for? How long would it be this time?

- I'm a fucking lost cause, right, Deaky? -he smiled at him sadly but with that ironic residue so very Efseryan.

- I think you are rather the opposite.

- Oh, fuck off with your optimism. Do you think I can put up with another chemo?

- If I hadn't believed in it, we wouldn't do it. We can do it as often as we need. What we're doing is gaining time waiting for your new liver.

- What is my position in charts? Can we see the light at the end of the tunnel?

- You know how things usually are going. Sometimes one person is new in the list and the next day he has his liver. Unfortunately there are people one thousand worse than you who have preference.

- It's true.

- All the people who are suffereing cirrhosis are in front of you, you only have fibrosis with some chance to get worse to cirrhosis. The chemo serves us to slow down the tumour growing and that way the waiting time can be more bearable till your live arrives.

- Will it arrive? I know many people die waiting for it. In vain.

- It will arrive. And with the chemo we're gaining time and assure things won't go more serious. We're gonna win this battle. I have no doubts about it. Just one fourth of people with liver cancer survive two years after the diagnosis. And you are still there. Looking great. How about your pensioner life?

- I'm still coming to terms with it.

- How about Montreux? You look great, I mean it.

- I've spent my time giving german lessons to my husband. What do you think?

- I can imagine what kind of german vocabulary Tarek uses now.

Enzo burst into laughter tapping his knees.

- You know me so well. Well, actually we went just natural from declensions to fellations.

- Enzo... pleasssse. Spare me details.

- Oh, yes, darling... being a teacher has its advantanges. Yes.

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The process was exactly the same as earlier on. The surgery was a success. There was no infection on the punction, just an increasing amount of hepatic enzymes that worked out smoothly. The postembolization syndrome lasted some three weeks with spiking fever, sick feelings and a great weariness.

Tarek was by his side night and day. During that syndrome Enzo felt like he vanished a while. Tarek missed ordinary things like sitting together to having breakfast, feeling his body so close to his on bed, his happy hummings when he dove into the bath tub with so much foam, his way of drinking in three phases although it was a little sip, his musical and graceful laughter when he found something funny and it took him hours to recover. They were things that when he was really sick they vanished, lost its consistency and regularity.