Angel

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Falling in love for me was the feeling of finally having something you dream about. Like a kid who got it's presents for christmas. A person who's jumping around after winning from a lottery. A student who graduated with flying colors or a puppy who sees it's owner again after a long time.

Falling in love also means, mix emotions. It will not always be butterflies or sunflower and daisies. There are those days where you'll have sleepless nights, whether it's from a good or bad day. Times where you get tired from arguements and miscommunication.

But what amazing about falling in love is, having someone who will go through all the rollercoasters. Someone you can hold hands, kiss and care. And when it hit you, you'll be forever grateful. That's why when I met my miracle, I knew she was the answer to my prayers.

"What color you like better? This or this?" My lovely wife showed me two shades of pink. Where here at a paint store, and she's having a hard time. I laughed at her, the colors are alike, you can't even see the difference. "Baby it looks the same" I commented. Jennie shook her head and stared at it longer.

I went behind her and wrap my hands around her tummy. She's 6 weeks pregnant, the IVF successfully worked. We were so happy when Doctor Lee confirmed her pregnancy. We've been planning to create our family ever since we got together. And that was 10 years ago. "Let's get this one" she pointed. "Okay" I replied, kissing her temple.

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"All...done" I grunted, the roller brush slowly falling off my hand. Wew, that drained me. Sunday, I told Jennie I would paint our baby's nursery. Yesterday I was startled when we almost emptied the baby section in the store. She is beyond excited for our little one. And I couldn't blame her. My wife wishes for a girl, I ask her what if it's a boy but she insisted it will be a princess. So I just let, beside the paints, everything we bought it gender neutral. Just in case...

"I love you lili" she rested her head on my chest, I held her face and caught her lips. It taste like strawberries, I want more. "Hmm" she moaned between our kisses. I love her so much.

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7 months Later

It was a fine day, not until my wife collapsed. I brought her to hospital as fast as possible. Only to hear unacceptable news.

"Tell me you're joking-" Jennie choked, I held her hands and caressed it. We couldn't believe it, our baby and Jennie's health is at risk.

"Mrs Manoban, you have to choose. You or your baby." Doctor Lee sadly spoke. I searched for Jennie's eyes. I can't see through her. She was in deep, I couldn't reach her.

I will keep Jennie, there's no doubt. We could have another chance, adopt, surrogate. I wanted to volunteer that I will be baring our child, but I can't too. I won't be able too.

"Hon..." I called, I felt her shaking. I embraced her. She cried on my shoulders, pouring everything out.

"Lili I'm sorry..." her voice croaked. She doesn't have to say sorry. It wasn't her fault, my love wouldn't be less. It will remain the same. But what she said next crippled me from the inside. "I will choose the baby" my mouth dropped, throat dried, and eyes red.

"No Jennie, there's a lot of things we can do! We can adopt! We can look for someone who can bare for -" she kissed my lips to shut me up. I quiver beneath her, she pulled out and smiled at me.

"Our baby, she will live Lisa. Let's not take away her chance to see the world. To know you, I know you'll be a great mother...a parent...Lisa I couldn't....I wouldn't cope up if I woke remembering I choose myself than our angel. I will forever live in guilt, we will both live in guilt." She tried to make me understand. But I don't want to!

"I can't, I'm choosing you Jennie. I don't want our child to grow with an incomplete family! I don't want to get old without you! We promised Jen, we promised!" I wailed.

"You will complete her....I love you Lisa."

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"ELLA!" I smiled as I heard my daughters giggles. She's running towards me, wearing her little pink backpack. Her hair in a ponytail. A tear escaped my eye when she looked at me and raised both of her hands. "Carry, mama" she pouted. You really look like her. "Arggg" I faked a growl, when I carried her. "You're getting heavier!" I teased, kissing her nose.

"Are you ready?" she bob cutely. I wipe the sweats on her forehead with the back of my hand. She held it with both of her tiny ones and planted kisses on it. "I love mama" she said. I nuzzle my nose with her and we both giggled. "Let's go?" Then we entered the car.

"Baby small steps" I patiently told her. Hand in hand we walk on the green covered ground. The sky is clear and peaceful. "Mommy, we're here" my daughter crossed her legs as she sat. I smiled when she patted my wife's name, dusting off the leaves.

"Happy birthday Mommy! We got a present for you! Mama bought it the other day!" Ella placed the small cake beside her. She glanced at me, signaling me to light up the candle. I did, she giggled once again. We both sang, but I watched her mostly. My eyes watered when she continued talking to Jennie as if she's here.

"Mama, I said I love you to Mommy. You should say it too." She posted, I kneeled beside her. "Hon...are you okay up there? Cause here...we are." My tears traced my cheeks. "I miss you, we miss you so much Jen.." I stuttered, "I love you, to infinity and beyond" I laughed at my silliness. We used to watch toys story before, now I watch it with our daughter.

I scooped Ella and placed her at my lap. We stayed there. I realized why Jennie choose her. Because Ella, she makes me feel reborn, her heartbeats speak Jennie's name, and her every breath is love.

An Angel brought her here....and that angel is Jennie.

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