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TRIGGER WARNING: SELF-HARM
She ruined her
In all possible ways
At parts where it hurts the most
...
She eradicates herself
With all things she sees
Made her tired of living
*
I wish I could hold her, as the cold night bothers her walking. The material of the cloth wasn't enough to warm her. As she could still feel shivers despite being under the extensive coat she bought from her first salary.
I remembered her wanting to spend the money on our date but I didn't let her. If there's someone who deserves to be treated, it is her. It was hers, after all, I should not take part in it, she did it herself, she worked hard for it.
Across the road, parallel to the pavement where her footsteps left prints on the snow, I was there, watching the person I love, hurt, and left. Her small hand clutches at the hem of the coat, as she breathes unevenly. This ended her shift for the night.
I trailed behind her, still with the distance between us. Without missing a beat I observed her, her long brunette hair, now tied in a bun. The reading glasses that tips slightly on the bridge of her nose didn't leave my eyes.
Jennie fixes it, she has poor eyesight. Having it for reading too much in the dark. I notice how dull her orbs were, it wasn't as lively as the last time I saw them. And there's no one to blame but me.
She reached her home and I remained behind her. Far away from her. When she stepped onto the porch, my lips trembled when she out of the blue peaked at her back, I was about to move when I realized her eyes didn't see me. It was looking in another direction. Which I followed. It's where she came from.
The door opens and she disappears, moments later the light in her room, which sets in the left room on the second storage lights up. Their silhouette of her took shape, my heart broke when it doesn't suppose to be when Jennie sat on the edge of her bed and buried her face in her palms. I can see her shoulders shaking, she's crying again, and it's because of me.
If I could just only go back, to tell her how much I love her, and I apologize for making her feel this way. I would, in a heartbeat, I would. But my decisions led me here, led us where I can no longer be hers.
*
-A year ago-
"You're drinking again." is what my wife said the minute she came home. Her face was pale and dark circles cover her eyes. When was the last time I saw her smile? Hear her laugh? When was the last time she felt happy?
In dizziness, it was difficult for me to stand up, but I tried and walk half-asleep towards her, legs crossing, head spinning. "Hi, love..." I whispered and placed a kiss on her cheek. She didn't move, but she dislike how I reeked of alcohol.
