Songs For The Soul (Jenlisa Oneshots)

A way to you

I was a stray in an endless road, a mind who's lost looking at an empty horizon. Can only lay and stay motionless, accepting massless air. But one pint of hope that keeps me breathing is my dream. And that is to escape from this world and run to a better one.

I was saved when she came, she put an end to that path and build me new. She showed the ways no one could ever, she lighted up the nothingness inside. She was the oasis I found in the middle of a dead land. She kisses me to life and embraces me to perfection.

She taught my heart to beat, she touches my skin to feel, she holds my soul to remind me I am not alone and to worry is something I should lock in the past. Because of her, I learned to love and prioritize myself. My dream was changed, I'm not aiming to escape, I'm wishing for a better place.

A better place for myself, where I can set my old version free. Where I can see myself flourishing, and where I could find my purpose. I searched and search, this time in a much brighter and more lively environment. There were no more smokes, lung killers, and deranged minds. It is now a true definition of euphoria.

"I want to be a mentor and an advocate" I can't prevent the excitement in me, I held her hands and told her what I thought of. Her eyes smiled as she soothes my face. "Are you sure? If that's what my baby wants, then I'll be in your way. I'll be with you." She planted a kiss on my forehead.

Seeing others, especially children go through the same experience as I am, is heart-wrenching. It was a bullet through my brain, understanding the depths of that stage. "Yuli was 10 when she first used drugs" my eyes bored at the child. I shook my head and sadly smiled.

"How's work?" I made little jumps until I fell into her arms. Her knitted cardigan smelled like vanilla, with a hint of orange. Despite being tired I help myself to talk to her. "Exhausting, the program was filled with minors. I couldn't even look at them without seeing myself" I uttered, receiving a gentle kiss from her.

"But just like you, they'll overcome it. They'll be better because you will help them" she stated, rubbing my thighs. "I will never stop, till I help each of them. I'll give them hope for a new life. Just like what you did for me" I responded, we laugh. Feeling overwhelmed with happiness, I pulled her collar and slammed my lips with her.

"I love you" I murmured.

I should have said it more often because I don't know when can I say it to her personally again. Reaching your dreams means hiking mountains, there are terrains and slopes you'll walk on. And as you ascend, it will be harder for you to breathe, challenging everything you have in exchange for the summit.

Our organization had grown more than we expected, we were given numerous opportunities to expand. And as for us who only want to help and hope, we took that. However, a step closer to this dream is a step away from my first one. "Do you want me to prepare the shower for you?" Lisa said, I declined. "I can manage" I was with the org the whole day, and my head is pounding, painfully.

"Let me help you with these-" she didn't finish when she accidentally dropped my half-done cup of coffee. The weekly report for the org is due tomorrow. My eyes widen when the hard ceramic material quickly shuts off the laptop. I haven't saved that! I internally screamed.

"Shit no!" I tear off papers as I soak up the liquids on my keyboard. Then I tried to open the laptop, it restarted. But none of my files were saved, "Fuck" I saw Lisa gulp, "I'm sorry-"

"If you just let me work on my job this wouldn't happen. I told you earlier that I'm fin, yet you still meddle with me. This is important Lisa!" I roared. "I know you're thinking of me, but please, I'm not a kid who can't look after herself"

What angered me more is the look she have on me, as if it was trying to say that I am indeed a kid who needs help. That I am still the same Jennie who wants to depend on her. That I'm so fragile I would break, that she should be the one who's taking care of my life. But then, she just loves me. "I'm sorry" I whispered.

Four years went on, things became harder to handle. "Is that final?" I examined, Doyeon nodded "We will finally travel the world!" I was thunderstruck to hear it. The organization's program had exceeded global. We can help more people, more lives. We celebrated till dawn, forgetting to save what I have back home.

Lisa and I's relationship became rocky, or should I say, I ignited the fire that shouldn't exist. "We talked about this already. I thought we both agreed that we will settle down?" She leaned to face me. "I will be only gone for months, it doesn't mean I will never return," I said, Her brows twitched.

"It was said here that there is no definition of when will it end..." She pointed her palm at the paper. "Jen, love we promised to spend more time with each other right? This past year we didn't even get to celebrate our anniversary without someone calling for you!" I was startled by her voice.

My fist clenched "I was called to help people Lisa! I was needed there, we need to make everything ready for the program. I thought you understand that!?" I fought back, she scoffed.

"What about me? Don't I need you?" I look straight at her.

"Is it the right time to be selfish?" I retorted, her lips parted

"Oh wow, I am the selfish one now. Isn't you who forgets she has someone waiting for her, every fucking night? Someone who's worried because her girlfriend is not replying to her texts? Someone who is neglected most of the time and was fine with it because her girlfriend is helping others? god," she grips hardly on her phone.

"If you're not selfish you would understand" I spat

"I just want to be with you, is that a bad thing?" I saw her eyes sadden, I looked away.

"You know how I felt when I was all by myself. To be seen as a failure and garbage to everyone. You know how cruel they treated me, and how they made me feel useless. I don't want others, to experience that. Helping them is my biggest dream, Lisa" her shoulders slowly fell.

"I wish you know how you also made me feel that way, alone and useless." My tears crawled down when she left the room. It was her last night at our place. The next morning I found a letter, a letter that sent me back in the endless road of nothingness.

Hi love, I'm sorry I have to say this by writing. I'm sorry for being an asshole last night. Sorry that I wanted to keep you from your dream, believe me when I say I never want to do that. I want to see you achieve everything great because I love you. I'm proud that I have a girlfriend who wants to help other people. I will tell everyone how amazing you are.

I'm sorry for being selfish, I just thought keeping you by my side will save me. That keeping you alone with me will take my demons away because that is what happened when you came. But I overlooked that I almost held you by the neck. I don't want you to suffocate with me, so I'm letting you free.

Someday, when I get rid of these demons, If I can...hope so. And when you finished fulfilling your dreams, I'll find a way to you.

Your Lisa.

She was the one who took me out of the dark, without me realizing she has her own misery. She came to save me, and I was not there to save her, because I was busy saving others.