H&J Lockdown

85

"I...I don't really know what to say." I tell Hero as I sit there somewhat in shock. "Thats a lot of information to process at once."

"I know babe. I feel like I'm messing this all up." He says looking somewhat embarrassed.

"So when do you leave and how long are you going to be gone for?" I ask changing the subject.

"A day after you get home and I will be gone till around Christmas. I'm waiting to find out exactly when I get to come home."

"I see. Were you going to talk to me about any of this?" I snap, starting to get annoyed that he had enough time to plan all of this but not enough to talk to me about any of it. "What about your daughter?"

"Its not like I could turn this opportunity down Jo. You have been working in another country and we have been making it work."

"But I at least talked to you about it before I took the job Hero!" I start but the alarm buzzing on my phone lets me know lunch time is over.

"We have to get back to work." I tell him ending the the call.

The rest of all our interviews sucked and it didn't help that I had to pretend to like Hero during them when all I wanted to do was scream at him.

I knew this job was a big deal to him but I missed him. He didn't even bother to confide in me about any of this and that hurt because I felt left out of his life. We had planned to enjoy the holidays as a family, which was really important to me because I was so far away from my own.
The proposal or ring.. or whatever that was the last thing I was thinking about after everything was said or done. I couldn't tell if it was something he was actually serious about or something he did to lesson the blow when he told me about the movie.

Later that night after I got back to the hotel and was feeding baby J, Hero face timed, which I was expecting- even though he should have been sleeping.

"Hey." He says when I answer, testing the waters.

I don't bother replying and instead wave at the computer screen.

"Look I'm sorry. I know this sucks- I suck, but we can make this work."

"Yes you do. You should have talked to me about all of this for so many reasons but mainly you shouldn't have done this whole proposal/ring thing when it isn't real."

"Yes it is! I've been wanting to do it for a while now, it just seemed like now was the perfect time."

I roll my eyes not responding. "Another thing... I could have made plans to go home to see my family if you were not going to be around for Christmas."

"I am trying to be home for Christmas!" He explodes, sounding worried.

"Am I just not part of you life anymore? I feel like I'm the last to know anything about you right now." I whisper, starting to cry.

"No baby. Its not like that. This was all just so last minute and its bad timing, I know." He explains.

We talk for a bit longer, or more so Hero tried to explain his side and I listened. By the end we were both tired and I knew we were in a weird place instead of closer like Hero had hoped. 

I sat up for most of the night,  anxious over everything but mainly about only being with him for one day before he left especially in the state we were in. I knew I needed to go home early, to him, as soon as possible.