H&J Lockdown

6

After we checked out of the hotel Hero took me to his apartment to settle in while he ran to the store for supplies.  Everytime I stay with him he has a couple drawers and closet space cleared for me and insists I unpack my things. I don't know if he moves his stuff everytime I come or if he just leaves it this way for me.  

When I finish unpacking I facetime my parents, filling them in on everything going on.  

Hero still isn't home when I get off the phone with them and I am starting to worry.  Feeling restless I decide to clean up his room and start by folding the clean clothes sitting in a laundry basket on his bed.  

Halfway through the basket I find my black pouch I thought I lost tucked into his clothes. Weird. Why would it be in here?  

I am pretty certain I remember packing it in my bag the night before I left. I open it and notice everything is inside of it but my birth control.   I search through the rest of the clothes in the basket, double checking that it didn't fall out but don't find anything. Before I can search his room Hero walks in. "Sorry I was gone so long baby, the store was crazy."

He stops walking towards me when he sees my black pouch and looks at me nervously.

"Did you hide this from me?" I try to ask calmly even though I can feel myself giving him the crazy eyes.

"Babe..."

"Why would you hide this from me?" I interrupt not able to control myself.  

Instead of answering me he lets out a long sigh and looks up to the ceiling before walking out of the room.  

I am too mad to follow him so instead I lay down on his bed and bury my face in my hands. Hero never walks away from me or has done anything like this so I don't know what to think.

I lay there for what feels like hours trying to process everything. I know its only a dumb pouch so I really shouldn't be so upset.  But he knew I was worried about it and instead of telling me I left it at his house or that he took it he let me think I lost it.  I understand if he took it, trying to get me to miss my flight because I would be looking for it but why not just tell me that once I noticed it was gone?  

I know he is worried about distance affecting our relationship again after the big fight it caused us in January. We didn't talk for close to a month until he got on a plane and fought for me.

Looking back I realise it was so stupid that I didn't try harder because before I left London to go home for Christmas we were so happy.  But life and insecurities got in the way. When we got back together we made a pact to make sure we don't go a certain amount of time without seeing each other and to not give up or fight when we are apart.  

He feels very passionate about me moving to London and in some ways it makes sense.  I ususally travel here to see him unless we are working because he doesn't care for LA so in reality I am in London more then I am in LA anyway. He loves living here and wants to live a normal life which is also something that I want. Plus with my sister living here most of the time to film her new Netflix series our parents visit frequently and I get to see her more. I just don't know if I am ready to put my self in this position yet with both of our careers growing.  

I know he probably hid my pouch so that I wouldn't leave and deep down that thrills me but at the same time I am worried he doesn't know how much I want to be with him. Between the two of us he has always been the one that doesn't hide his feelings and I am the opposite, I always worry about things going bad.  I need to fight for him, fight for us, show him that I want him and want our relationship to work .  

I pull my suitcase out of the closet and open the compartment I hid the baby doll nightie and matching thong in that I purchased before I came here. I didn't have the opportunity to wear it for him before and I was bummed but it is perfect for tonight.