Listen to ''Push Me Away' by The Jacksons ♡ (Song above ➶)
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𝐎𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫𝟕𝐭𝐡, 𝟏𝟗𝟗𝟖 || 𝐋𝐨𝐬𝐎𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐨𝐬, 𝐂𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐚
❦❦❦
Pain.
I've always had trouble sleeping but these past few days have been grueling. The night that Amaya told me she hated me, I went home and cried helplessly. I never thought I'd hear those words come out of her mouth but they did and boy, did it hurt like hell. I've never seen her so upset in my life and I knew for certain that there was no going back from that argument.
Even though Amaya and I haven't been seen together in a while by paparazzi, they'd still take pictures of her whenever she was out and about. It's crazy that tabloids are what I used in order to keep tabs on her; the one thing I despised the most.
The latest one was her walking down the busy streets of Santa Monica wearing the black aviators I had given her the day we went out to Nobu for lunch. The one thing that stood out to me the most was the golden locket that I had bought for her birthday.
It was still sitting beautifully on her neck.
A sad smirk twitched upon my lip and before I found myself crying yet again, a cold presence made its way down my back.
"Baby, are you okay? You look extremely pale," Lisa asked as she rubbed my back in a circular motion. "Maybe I can get you a glass of-"
"I'm fine," I dismissed as I got up from my seated position and walked out of my bedroom. I haven't been able to stomach the disturbing actions I took part in with Lisa ever since they happened. The night I invited Amaya over for dinner, I made the biggest mistake.
I had sex with Lisa.
Out of pure anger and frustration, I did something to forget about Amaya and the possibility of her being with someone that she's never had any type of romantic feelings for. I feel guilty; truly disgusted in myself. I feel tainted and now, I really do feel like I don't deserve to have Amaya in my life.
There's also a lot of things happening outside of my drama with Amaya that has just been a bit confusing for me. Debbie and I have been co-parenting beautifully but there was a moment where she came over and we had a serious conversation with each other, a conversation that I never expected to have with her.
To keep a long story short, she told me that I was a complete idiot for getting back with Lisa. I didn't want to tell her about Lisa's condition but it sort of just... slipped out. Upon Debbie discovering Lisa's illness, she had a look of confusion plastered on her face and what she told me truly had me thinking...
