✅ The Last New Start [NaNoWriMo2021]

16. A Last Resort

Author's note: This story is getting off to a bit of a slow start. I've just written chapter 26, with the first wet diaper of the story (if you're impatient, you can read the draft chapters right now by following me, kittyangel, on Patreon). I hope you're enjoying the journey, even if it's not as fast as many of the other stories on here.

Gabby was very grateful for the help Tess had provided. Without being prompted, she said that she respected her cousin as an adult, and promised not to call her a baby unless she had another little accident. Tess didn't try to deny it; she knew there was no point now. She offered to help, but Gabby said it wasn't necessary and suggested that she make a start on her homework. Tess knew that it needed doing, so she devoted herself to answering a page of music theory questions about one of the pieces she had been attempting to play in class.

It wasn't long before Gabby was calling her down to dinner. The meal was amazing, but Tess couldn't quite be sure if she was noticing the different flavours more now that she had contributed somehow. Even if it had only been getting the ingredients out, she felt that she had done something good. She couldn't place all of the flavours; the fish had a golden-brown coating that had an earthy, almost woody flavour, but she couldn't work out what it could be. She promised herself that one day soon she would ask, so she could explore this new type of cuisine more, and perhaps learn to prepare it herself.

Gabby offered alcohol again. Tess was unsure, thinking about the last two times she had been allowed a glass of wine. But when her cousin suggested that she might not be old enough to drink yet, Tess felt her old stubbornness coming to the front of her mind. She was an adult, practically, and so she needed to prove that assertion wrong. She accepted one glass; just one today. They sat back and watched some spy drama that had just started streaming, and before the end they couldn't take their minds away from the plot. It was better than either of them had expected, and a couple of hours flew past as they caught up with the first part of the season. They talked a lot, mostly about spies. Although when the main guy introduced his boyfriend, Gabby saw that as a great excuse to ask if Tess was dating yet.

She should have said yes. Or she should have said no, she really didn't know what the correct answer was. She felt great every time she was with Spike, and she was starting to be sure that's what the media meant by 'love'. But she had no way of knowing if he felt the same. He was so nice to everyone, trying to be friends with everyone in the school, and how could she be sure that she wasn't just a good friend to him? Tess was terrified to ask, in case she learned that she'd just been seeing her own thoughts reflected when she tried to understand the guy.

As long as she was happy whenever they spoke, did it matter if he was technically her boyfriend? She didn't know, but she was glad he was there. She didn't want to jeopardise what they had by reaching for something that might have been only in her mind, but that wasn't the kind of answer Gabby would understand. At least not with a whole lot more explanation.

"Woah, what happened there?!" she called out, pointing at the screen in excitement. It wasn't really that dramatic, but it had been a surprising twist. And more importantly, it gave Tess something to say without answering the question she had been asked. She would be able to talk about her boyfriend when she decided it was time; and when she was sure of the situation in her own mind. "Was that the car they left on the...?"

"That Sandy guy must have driven it over the balcony," Gabby answered, seeming almost as excited. "I didn't see that coming." She kept on talking for a second, and Tess knew the moment had passed. There would be no more intrusive questions, at least until the sudden car chase drew to a close. The conversation when back to spies, unnatural hair colours, and whether Jason Momoa looked better with or without a beard. For just a while, Tess could see Gabby as a friend rather than as some kind of long-term babysitter, and she was glad of that. But after one more episode, she knew that she needed to get her homework finished. She grabbed her flask of iced tea from the fridge and headed up to her room, sure she would be able to work without worries.

By the time she had finished everything, it was nearly midnight. She could have stayed up later; she was sure some of her friends would still be awake, and would be happy to chat. But she also knew that she had plans tomorrow, and she wanted to start sleeping well again. When the flask was empty, she turned her laptop off and picked out an outfit for tomorrow. Clothes suitable for shopping with friends, on what was certainly not a date. She set the alarm later than usual, not wanting to disturb Gabby after she'd already been waking so early in the morning for a whole week. But even when she was sure everything was ready, Tess couldn't help being a little nervous.

She'd had a glass of wine. Maybe a little more than one, with Gabby topping it up, but she was sure it was less than two. And she was more careful now, not mistaking the 'low alcohol' label for being alcohol free. But it was still less than a regular glass, so it should be no problem at all. She changed into her pyjamas, went to the bathroom, came back to her room, and turned the lights off. She knew that she needed to get to sleep now; she needed to start sleeping well. But how could she, when she was so nervous? She was sure that Gabby knew she had wet the bed again last night. She could try to hide it, but she couldn't avoid the fear that it would happen again, and that after a third time Gabby wouldn't let it slide. Her parents would know, or her doctor, and the thought of either was just so humiliating.

"It won't happen," she told herself, but she didn't quite believe it. She sat up and walked over to the corner of the room. She knew it wouldn't happen, even after a glass of wine. She was so sure, but a voice in her head kept on telling her that she'd been just as sure last time. She needed to go to sleep now, but she couldn't put all the thoughts of 'what if?' out of her mind. She looked down at the table in that corner of the room. In the darkness, with just a faint orange glow spilling under her door from the hallway, she could almost forget how pink it was. And she pulled open a drawer; one that she had first tried while working out how much space the room had for her own possessions. There was nothing of hers in this drawer, and no space either.

Inside the drawer were dozens of neatly packed pastel shapes, presumably left behind by the house's previous occupants. One more remnant of the imaginary Alice, or more likely her little sisters.Tess gently pulled one out, and gently nibbled her lip as she wondered. As she opened it out, she imagined she was holding new underwear, freshly pressed. A little thicker than usual, and stiffer, made from some synthetic material that would never feel like fabric. But in her mind, she knew that these were diapers. The kind made for bigger girls, who might still need them at night. The advertisements all claimed that they looked just like real underwear, but Tess could tell that wasn't true even with the lights off. They looked like diapers, with a pastel print of Moana on the front. When she'd been young enough to need them, it had been fairies.

Tess stood and thought for what felt like an age. Would she consider wearing these, just to make sure that she didn't have to wash her sheets again tomorrow? To keep Gabby from realising if she had a problem?

No. Tess knew she was nearly an adult, and she was sure she didn't need diapers. She folded the one she was holding in half, and pushed it back into the drawer at the edge. She would never wear something like that. That would be admitting defeat. She didn't need to take precautions just in case of something that was never going to happen. She just needed to sleep well, and stop being so tired.

She pushed the drawer closed, and went to the bathroom again, forcing a few last drops out of her bladder even though she was sure she didn't need to go again. And then she returned to bed, and tried to force herself to sleep. She didn't need diapers, because she wasn't going to wet the bed, she told herself with fingers crossed.