✅ The Last New Start [NaNoWriMo2021]

75. The Truth

"I think I'd rather be the one making the choices," Tess said, after a little introspection. "Like... the best feeling is to be really enjoying myself and knowing that it's because I made the right choices. It's hard to put into words. But that's what makes me happy, I think. When we did that being a child, it didn't press the same buttons for me. I mean... it's not like I didn't enjoy it, don't get me wrong. It's just a different feeling. And I know there must be more to it. It's like there's something in there that really interests me, but I haven't quite found it yet, so I need to explore."

Tess knew she must be blushing more than ever now. She wanted to come out and say that she wasn't a baby, and that the way she'd been treated in the past made it hard for her to be comfortable with that even if it did help with her relaxation. But at the same time, she didn't want to give up on her chance of being hypnotised again, or make things any harder than they already were for Ffrances. Gabby wanted a little girl to play with, that much was clear. Tess wanted to feel her own thoughts and behaviour changing, and to understand how that made her feel. So perhaps they could all get what they wanted, and she had no doubt that it was worth it. But that just raised one more question.

"What do you want?" she asked a moment later. "I mean... I've been thinking about trying to find the best compromise between what I'll enjoy, and what Gabby wants. There's got to be a way we can all be happy, right? But you're the one doing the hard part, and I don't think I even asked what you get out of this. I'm sorry."

"Well..." Ffrances answered, and then paused for a few seconds that felt like an hour. "Well, I guess I wasn't being honest with my feelings either. I told Gabby last time that you didn't want to be the littlest one, and my attempts to ensure that ended up making her way littler than she ever intended. And then she found that she dreams of caring for someone regressed, but she doesn't like experiencing it herself. And somewhere in the back of my mind, I wondered if that might be a hidden opportunity for me. If you said you were uncomfortable being the only little one, then I might be able to..."

"You're curious about..." Tess started, and then froze in shock at the ideas coming from the back of her mind. "Wait... When I moved in, Gabby said sorry for giving me a child's room. That the room had been like that when she moved in, and the family who had that house before must have had kids. But that doesn't explain a desk that looks like a tiny kid's thing, but it's bigger than a regular one. Or a changing table still stocked with diapers... Especially not ones that would fit Gabby so easily. Was that your nursery before I moved in? You want to be small and innocent, and Gabby wants to be the mommy. And you're both in well-paid professional jobs, so you could afford to put together the perfect playroom. And then you needed an excuse to deny it when I arrived?"

Everything made sense now. It all added up, but Tess couldn't continue her chain of deductions after she realised that Ffrances was softly laughing.

"Well, that's sound logic. But no, the only place I've had a room like that is in my dreams. She's never treated me like a baby. She says I'm naturally in control, she has to do everything I say. But no matter how many times I ask, reversing roles is the one thing she won't agree to. Since she first showed me the nursery, I've been hoping I could be the baby one day. But... I think she looks at me and sees the person she wants me to be sometimes."

"So you're always the boss, and I'm always the baby. Even if we're not in a mood where that feels comfortable?" Ffrances nodded. Tess thought she could understand, even if she hoped she would never do something like that to anyone. And now she understood, she could perhaps find some way to let everyone get what they wanted most. Gabby must be really serious about the baby thing, though.

Tess was sure now that her bedroom had never been home to a little girl. And it hadn't been for Ffrances either; there was only one other option. Gabby was so desperate to be Mommy that she'd created Alice in her mind. A hypothetical little girl, or rather an adult who would allow Gabby to treat her like a child, so she would never grow up past the varied selection of toys in that room. Gabby had built a nursery over the years for a girl who only lived in her imagination. There hadn't been time to hide it when she heard Tess wanted to move in; and once Tess moved into Alice's room, Gabby felt like she was stepping into Alice's role too. That was why telling her over and over that she didn't want to be called a baby had no effect.