✅ The Last New Start [NaNoWriMo2021]

150. Confirmation

This bonus chapter is dedicated to Eladon. Thank you for all your support; and my apologies to everyone who is still owed their bonus chapters. I believe the number is below 100 again, but I really hope that moving house won't cause the backlog to grow much larger.

Thank you, Eladon.

"Okay," Dr Lutwa said. "It's okay. We're here to find out what's causing this, right? Don't panic, just try to keep calm. It's okay,"

Tess didn't feel the reassurances, as she desperately struggled to clamp down and found that her bladder didn't respond at all. Her muscles just wouldn't respond to her commands, like those nerves had been cut off. She imagined this was how it might feel to suffer a spinal injury, and she was sure this time that it must be something wrong with her nerves. She felt just as helpless as she had when Spike had used the hypnotic suggestions to make her lose control; and she couldn't imagine a mere emotional imbalance having such a profound effect on her. But aside from all the wheels spinning inside her head, she couldn't think what she needed to do right now.

"I'm sorry," she whimpered.

"It's okay. Trust me, the cleaners here have seen a lot worse. That's why the trust pays them more than most places. Just breathe deeply, okay? It's not your fault, and we're going to fix this. Now, are you okay to clean yourself up? I've got spare clothes here if you need them. It's only disposable hospital stuff, but good enough for today. There's a shower at the end of the corridor, if you want to get cleaned up properly. Restore your confidence, yes? Will you need help?"

"No," Tess shook her head, shocked by the idea of needing somebody else to wash her. But she guessed that there were plenty of people in a hospital who couldn't cope for one reason or another, and it would be nothing new to any of the nurses. No, she didn't need that kind of help. "I'm okay, just... it came out of nowhere again, I was sure I didn't need to go. I don't know how that can happen. I just–"

"It's okay. Get clean first, then we can talk about it."

Tess nodded, the doctor's firm, clear instructions finally giving her mind something to focus on. One solid intention that she could grab onto and pull herself out of panic.

She took a little bottle of liquid soap and a tightly-folded bundle of plastic-wrapped clothes from Dr Lutwa, and followed her directions to the shower cubicle. She took off her soaked trousers and underwear, and after a little hesitation just threw them in the bin. She couldn't bear carrying them home now, there was too much risk that Gabby or Spike would see. And Tess was sure that she didn't want to be babied by Gabby now; she didn't want anyone talking down to her; and even if Spike would have been supportive, she dreaded the thought of telling him what had just happened.

She sprayed herself with the shower head, and rubbed at her skin until she was sure there was no trace of pee smell remaining. Then she rubbed herself dry with a towel, which went straight into a laundry chute, and put on her clean pants. They were thin, stiff cotton with a texture more like paper, but they would keep her covered. Even if the design made it clear they had come from a hospital. She would need to change into something more suitable before heading home, but she could cross that bridge when she came to it. If nothing else, she might be able to persuade Adam or one of the other orderlies in Ffrances's department to give her access to the little cache of spare clothes there. If she could think of some possible explanation.

A few minutes later, she was back in Dr Lutwa's office. She was surprised to see that the floor was already clean, and the only trace of her accident was a faint smell of bleach in the air. The cleaning teams here really were prepared for anything.