✅ The Last New Start [NaNoWriMo2021]

58. The Journey that Matters

"...calling at Pine Ridge, Morganston, Greater Ashfields, Renstoke, Fazingham, Little Hoove..." The announcer reeled off the list of stations, while Tess and Spike relaxed in their seats. They probably wouldn't have thought of getting a train if Gabby hadn't suggested it. They might have known that there were tiny stations in Ashfields and Pine Ridge, but the trains were so infrequent that nobody seriously considered using them unless they had memorised the schedule. This time, they had only just made it.

"I bet this is quicker than the bus," Spike said with a shrug. "I guess we should be grateful to your cousin this time."

"Yeeeah..." Tess mumbled. "She said she's going to be more supportive now, but..."

Spike sat there and smiled softly. He didn't interrupt, just listened. Tess knew she could say it now, or keep it to herself forever, and he didn't want to push her.

"My parents talked to her. Again. And apparently Gabby doesn't need to worry about you trying to corrupt me, because you're gay." Tess felt ashamed just repeating that. But once she heard the words out loud, and had a second to think, it seemed so ludicrous that she was almost ready to laugh. A little chuckle at the absurdity of it, and then Spike was laughing too.

"Guess they know more than I do," he said, when they could smile again. "Listen, that's part of what I wanted to say. I've never been interested in guys... like that, you know? And I guess I've not been into girls either. It's like everyone else has someone they're... interested in, even if they've not gotten together yet, and I don't really know what's different for me. It's like... Everybody likes someone, you know? But I don't know if I do. Not in that way. But I can't be sure, it's like I don't even know what it's supposed to feel like. You know, to like someone like that. Maybe those feelings are there and I just haven't recognised them yet. Or I haven't met the right person. Or... I don't know. It's all a mystery to me."

Tess didn't know what to say. She'd wanted to interrupt a few times, to show support or to offer advice, but she'd realised every time that she didn't have the first idea what advice she could give. She couldn't even explain her own feelings; she'd just assumed that it should be natural, and it was hard to wrap her head around what those feelings actually meant.

"Maybe–" she started, but was cut off by a cheerful chime and a recorded voice from the speakers over the doors.

"We are now arriving at Pine Ridge. This is Pine Ridge. Remain on this train for Morganston, Greater Ashfields, Renstoke,..."

"Wow, that doesn't even feel like five minutes," Spike chuckled. "Guess you don't have to put up with my ramblings much longer."

"I like listening to you talk," Tess answered as she grabbed her bag and took a few steps towards the door. Then she realised that sounded like something a stalker would say, and rushed to correct herself: "I mean, it's great that you can trust me enough to talk about this stuff. And I'm sorry I don't have the answers, but I know it's got to take a lot of courage to talk about that. And I don't think any less of you for... for waiting until you find something that feels right. Maybe people our age shouldn't be rushing so much to have a boyfriend."

The train had stopped now. The station was a single platform with an automated ticket machine, not even large enough to have any staff. There was a cottage the looked like it might have been some kind of ticket office at some point, but that was a long time ago. Thankfully there was still a little map of the local area in a display board next to the ticket machine, so they could quickly check which way they needed to go for the hospital. They'd both been to Pine Ridge before, under different circumstances, but didn't know the village well enough to know how to get anywhere from the station.

Tess checked her phone while Spike quickly stared at the map, and found that she already had a text from Ffrances. She said she'd been signing off at work when she heard from Gabby, and was happy to offer Tess a lift back when she'd finished her business. That was convenient enough; it meant there was plenty of time to talk to Spike still, and she wouldn't have to worry about what bus schedules were like in the evening.

"Maybe you should try it," Tess said, once they were walking again. She could sense Spike's confusion before he needed to say anything, so felt like she should elaborate. "Dating, I mean. If you spend time with somebody who's like... into you, and just enjoy each other's company, maybe you could understand how it feels. Or... I don't know, if you're giving somebody your full attention, it might be easier to understand how they feel. Or it might be something you understand better once you tried it."

"You think..."

"Like surfing," she continued, hoping that she hadn't said too much already. "Some towns, it's taken for granted that you either enjoy it or you idolise the people who do. And I just didn't get it. Once I'd tried it, well... it's still not for me, but I think giving it a try at least let me understand what they all get out of it. Maybe giving it a try will help you to understand what other people take for granted."

"That's a pretty neat idea. Maybe it is something I should try. I mean, if I get the opportunity. I think that if someone seriously wants like, a real relationship, they might be less than comfortable if I decide it isn't for me. But I can think about it. Imagine myself in those situations. Try it out with someone I can trust not to be offended. And I'm pretty sure that's not going to be Miss Ciertowczki."

Tess held herself back from saying any more. She knew that she was making things harder for Spike on some level, and couldn't stop worrying that she was projecting her own feelings onto him. She wanted to talk more about his feelings, or hers, but she knew she would just be intruding. He was coming to visit his little brother in hospital, and that certainly wasn't the best time to ask him to think about big things like this. So they covered the last few metres of the path to PRMCT in a comfortable silence, and then there was plenty of conversation as they examined the huge number of arrows on a sign until they found the right way to go.

"Thanks," Spike was the next to speak, and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "So, want to see that other movie next week? The Japanese one, or the French one I guess? I think Duke's expecting visitors Tuesday, so it would be good excuse for me to be out of the house."

"That would be good. I'll ask Ffrances to tell Gabby for me. At least now she won't be giving me the third degree, assuming that any time I spend with a boy must be a date." She didn't ask "Is it?". She'd already told Mindy it was, but that didn't make any difference. She reminded herself that she was happy to spend time with this guy whether they were just friends or something else, and labels didn't matter. That she knew she would enjoy his company whether other people were there or not. There was no reason to ask, and anything she said now was bound to seem pushy.

"I hope Nik is feeling better," she said instead. "You'd better check on him. Are you going to stay with him, if they want him to stay in?"

"If he's still here, yeah. I bet he's missing me already. So, I'll see you tomorrow. And looking forward to Tuesday. Hey, maybe we should invite Evan and Kim too, didn't he say he's learning Japanese? If that's okay with you, I mean."

"Yeah, I..." Tess stammered, heart racing. Other people would make it an evening out with friends, but if they invited just another couple, could it be... "That would be great I'm looking forward to it, look I think I saw Ffrances I'll catch you tomorrow. Good luck with Nik." She turned and quickly started striding away, calling the last few words to the boy behind her. He started after her for a few moments, wondering if he could have said something wrong. But he seemed to decide that whatever had drawn her away so quickly wasn't his business, and he would be able to catch up with her at school. He turned around and walked towards the pool of light around the ward entrance, while Tess hurried into the darkness.