✅ My Cousin's Keeper [NaNoWriMo 2021]

27. My Mistress's Choice

I pulled up at the side of Brock Street, wondering if I would see Ffrances walking across the patch of scrubby ground there on her way to work. I'd just dropped Tess off at school, after a long conversation that had left me feeling drained but also optimistic.

The little girl had wet the bed again. My suspicions had been confirmed when I saw her loading the washing machine, but she'd still tried to deny it. When I called her on that, she had gone on to tell me that she was an adult who could solve her problems by herself. I repeated something I'd read in a waiting-room magazine recently, about the environmental cost of too-frequent laundry cycles. I didn't know how much difference it really made for a single household, but that wasn't the point. The point was that it gave me a reason to talk to her, and a rational excuse to start getting her back into diapers. I told her that there were Goodnites in the drawers of the changing table, padded underwear made for teen girls whose bladder control wasn't completely developed. I reminded her that it wasn't a rare thing; that there were probably two or three girls in her school classes with the same problem, even if they didn't admit it. I didn't actually know the figures, but that sounded believable.

She'd objected, of course she had. She felt like she had to act as an adult, and needed to hide her babyish tendencies. Wetting the bed could conceivably be something that happened to adults too, if they'd drunk more than usual. But she seemed to think that wearing diapers again would make her feel like a baby. I didn't push too hard for her to change that perspective, because that was exactly what I was hoping for. But I did tell her that not taking precautions was the behaviour of a careless child, and any adult would be ready to use protection. This time, she trusted me fully enough to accept my words. She had accepted that she would think about wearing the Goodnites, and I could only hope that when she found them comfortable, the knowledge that she was wearing diapers would help her to see herself as a baby a little more easily. I'd decided that she should have a few days without nighttime accidents now, to let her get used to the idea of wearing them. Thursday would probably be the best; long enough to be used to it, but not long enough for her to decide protection was no longer needed.

"Morning, babe!" Ffraances's voice jerked me out of a momentary introspection. I hadn't even noticed her walking between the pines, but she had evidently seen my truck and come around to the passenger door. I was very surprised when she got in; that had never been a part of the routine on the days when I managed to catch her before she arrived at work.

"Fancy seeing you here," I answered, trying to hide just how surprised I had been. "Can I offer you a lift?"

"As much as I'd love to ride off into the sunset, I think I need to get to work today. But my first meeting of the day just texted to cancel, and I thought I can probably afford ten minutes talking to the most fascinating case in my collection."

"Are you saying I'm crazy?"

"You're dating me, aren't you? And you know there's nothing I'd like more than an excuse to get you strapped down on the couch, answering all of my... probing questions."

"I'd like it more."

"You would. But I don't think we have the time for that now. Or the couch and restraints. But I think you wanted to talk to me about something else today. Would I be right?"

"There was one thing. I spoke to Tess again this morning, while she was loading the washing machine."

"She's still wetting the bed? I don't think it's happened often while I've been there."

"About twice a week. She doesn't want you to know, she thinks you'd judge. So she mostly does it when you're not staying at our place, or when she's really stressed as an exceptional thing."

"I figured. And the tablets...?"

"Sleeping pills and diuretics. Same as the first ones you found. I've been keeping an eye on the medicine cabinet, and it always seems to be the same amount. Think she's making a routine of it. I tried to ask her, and... well. She didn't deny it, just nodded and didn't say a word. Said that she has trouble sleeping, which would explain the sleeping pills, but... I think she's too ashamed to talk about it, really. I told her that there's a safer way, using hypnosis, but suggested that she shouldn't try random things off the Internet without checking first if they're going to have a bigger effect on her mental health. Hopefully she'll consider it."

"Well, I wanted to talk about that as well. I've looked into some of the stories on that website you found, and the hypnosis tips on there as well. I'd say that half of the people giving advice got all their knowledge from TV and movies. They're telling people how to do it safely based on pop-culture tropes that don't work that way in the real world. You might find somebody competent on there, but the odds are against it."

"I kind of guessed as much. I mean, I don't know that stuff, but it didn't make me feel confident. But you looked, right? Do you think that what she wants is possible, and could be safer than the drugs?"

"I think so. I could probably do it, if she's sure this is what she wants. But like I said before, I think the biggest danger is that it would be habit forming; something she might end up using more often until it becomes every night. And overdoing it could permanently weaken those muscles. So, I think it has to be a permission based thing. If she wants to... to have an accident, she needs to ask you. Or me, I guess, but I don't think she'd consider that."

I nodded slowly. That sounded like it could be a perfect way to help my cousin understand how much she wanted to be a baby. If we could get it right, it would be all the proof she needed.

"A lot of the recordings you can find online focus on trigger words, a word or phrase which reminds you to act or feel a particular way. But I think that it can be better to focus on a 'trigger' that includes context. For example, we could tell her that if someone responsible and trustworthy tells her that she is or is not going to... to have an accident, then it will be natural to go with that. It means that she still needs to check with us when she wants it, so there's no temptation to overdo it."

"That sounds like just what she's been hoping for," I answered slowly. "I just hope it will work for her. But at the same time... she's forbidding me to tell you about her problem. At all. Even when I said that I think you might be willing to consider it. So if you say something to her, she'll think I broke her confidence, and if you don't she'll carry on thinking that you wouldn't understand."

"I don't understand, Gabby. But that doesn't mean I'm against it. Whatever makes her happy, right? Don't worry, I'll be over at your place at the weekend, and I'll have time to help with tidying up. So maybe I can give her a demonstration that I'm okay with not acting your age."

"Thank you," I said with a smile. "You think of everything. And you keep on reminding me why I love you so much."

She didn't have the words for that, but I breathed in sharply as I felt my seat suddenly reclining, and five seconds later Ffrances was in my lap, knees to either side of my hips. And then she kissed me, and I no longer had the presence of mind to wonder how late she was going to be for work.