✅ My Cousin's Keeper [NaNoWriMo 2021]

117. My Epiphany

Ffrances just stared at me, and I couldn't think of anything to say. This was the last question I thought she would ask. Why would she think I'd said anything? I wasn't the kind of overbearing Mommy who would try to interfere with my little's friend, and I was sure I'd never done anything that could make her think that. So she must have picked up this suspicion from someone else; maybe a misunderstanding, or maybe something malicious. Somebody trying to drive a wedge between us? But who would even know about that?

"Hunting for a lie again, Gabby? I'd hope you wouldn't think about that." I glanced past her to where her favourite metronome was sitting on the coffee table. She could make me tell the truth whenever she wanted, but that was always her last resort. She might not even need the device to hold my attention, she could just touch my forehead and command honesty, and I would eagerly obey my mistress. And she knew that. So I had to say something that she would believe completely, so there was no need for hypnosis or other trickery. But that didn't make it any easier to think of the answer she wanted to hear.

"Spike came to visit," she said, at the point where my eyes had just started to burn from meeting her gaze so long without blinking. She looked away for a second, easing the physical discomfort as I was allowed to blink, before she carried on talking. Maybe she saw that I was thinking about feigning surprise, because she said: "You know that. I know you do. You've been spying on us for weeks. Using your laptops and tablets, and even the baby monitor, to keep an eye on Tess while you're at work. I didn't say anything to Tess, because I knew if she heard she wouldn't feel comfortable living here. And maybe it gave you some peace of mind, like a real parent being able to check on their kids. But for a date, I decided that it was too much like an invasion of privacy."

"I wouldn't–" I started to protest loudly, like I was really offended by the suggestion. But my eyes flickered to the metronome, and my voice cracked for a moment. I couldn't say any more, because if I denied it she could just force the truth out of me. She had all the power in this relationship, and for the first time I wished I wasn't quite so submissive.

"Tell me the truth, babe. No, I'm not going to hypnotise you. I could, and you know that. But that is power for fun. I control you because I know you enjoy it. I would never use that to override your consent, because that would be unforgivable. And if I felt that was the only way to get the truth out of you, my trust in you would already have been damaged beyond repair. Do you understand?" She stared, looking me in the eyes. And maybe I didn't react quickly enough, because she continued: "I want to believe that you are a good person. That if I point out when you have crossed a line, you will think long and hard about it, tell me the truth, and apologise sincerely. Not because Mistress demands it, but because somewhere deep down you want to be the trustworthy person I see in you. I'm asking you like this, when you know I'm serious, so that you can give me a clear answer. I would never need to use your triggers to get to the truth, because if my trust in you had sunk that low, you would be coming home to an empty house."

That shocked me into silence. If I couldn't think of anything to say before, I certainly couldn't now. Was she really threatening to leave, just because I wanted to make sure that my little was safe? It seemed so unreasonable, but I knew that Ffrances had a very different background from mine. And she knew what should be healthy for a child, so I should be listening to her.

"I worry about her," I said. "I know she's... she wants to be a little, but to me that makes it feel like she's an actual child. I want to watch over her, and make sure she's always safe. I mean, that's what baby monitors are made for. And maybe I should ease off a bit. But when I..." I hesitated, and took a deep breath. If I was going to be honest, then I had to goal the way. Even if it would embarrass me. "I saw you two playing baby together. Big sister and little sister. When I saw that, and how happy you were, I had to keep watching. To find out how to do this stuff right, I mean. Because you're both happy there, and when I tried it there's always been so much tension in the air. I don't know if I just don't see the tension from outside, or if assuming a dominant role just doesn't come naturally to me, but I really want to learn what makes her happy. And you, I mean. If you can actually enjoy those scenes, and sometimes it looked like you did, then I should try taking care of two babies more often. I never thought of it as spying on you, I just wanted to learn. You're such a natural domme, if I want to take charge it's only natural to learn from the best. But I can see how it could have seemed to you, and I really didn't mean to upset you. Is there anything..."