✅ My Cousin's Keeper [NaNoWriMo 2021]

52. My Lapse in Judgement

Since Tess's arrival, my life had been marked by a number of little milestones. She was slowly adapting to being my little, coming closer to accepting how she was going to live. The next one had come that Wednesday night; the first time she had the courage to ask for me to say the trigger phrase while Ffrances was there. We'd both been there the first time, obviously, but that barely counted because Ffrances had told her she would have an accident that night, and so she'd been unable to remember it.

This time, she had come down and asked us to tell her that she wouldn't have an accident because she was thinking about an upcoming music exam. She said that she didn't want to be restless, waking up in the night. Ffrances complimented her then, for having the courage to ask for what she really needed. But I was pretty sure Tess didn't quite understand why the response was so positive. To Ffrances, I was sure, the little girl who really wanted to relieve some of her tension by wetting her bed like a toddler knew that it would be better if she was feeling her real age in the morning, and was taking precautions against her urge to ask for the other trigger later.

In the morning, of course, she was lively and ready to start the day. And a lot less reluctant to talk about the problems she'd been having, as a result of the pride that a young girl always felt on waking up dry.

Thursday, during the day at least, was a day devoid of anything noteworthy. I read a new chapter of The Baby Button on my phone, to preserve my privacy, and speculated that Little Sister had been updating her magnum opus a lot less frequently in the last few weeks. I spent several hours in video conferences, and on hold with various companies that we were working with, but the most I actually achieved was a whole string of appointments the following day to speak to the people who I really needed to do their jobs.

That was why, by the time I arrived home, I was already feeling a little frustrated.

Sitting with Ffrances in front of the television made me feel a whole lot better. There wasn't anything new that we particularly wanted to watch, and it didn't seem fair to break out one of the ancient video CDs based on MK's comics when Tess was busy upstairs with her homework, so we settled for rewatching a bunch of old episodes of Live From Palmerston!. I think it was me who said that the show could have been a metaphor for our lives, which sounded like a very deep and philosophical insight. Right up to the moment where Ffrances asked what we had in common with a group of comedians on a road trip. I didn't actually have an answer to that.

"Well Lysette is clearly a fictionalised version of me," I speculated, half an episode later. On the screen, Lysette was screaming abuse at the world in general, although most of her anger was devoted to a station wagon as old as she was, which was yet again refusing to start.

"You blame your problems on everybody else?"

"No!" I pouted theatrically. "Because I've got an awesome fiancé and a shitty car."

"Valid," Ffrances nodded. "Although to have a fiancée, you technically need to be engaged. And that requires a ring, doesn't it?"

"I guess," I mumbled. It was one thing we'd never particularly bothered about, and it didn't bother me that much whether we were going to end up married or not. I knew we would be together forever no matter what. "You could get me a collar? I mean, that's almost the same thing."

Tess joined us a few minutes later, the dreaded homework monster slain for another day. Much to my annoyance, she didn't object when I said that I shared more than a few qualities with Lysette; instead speculating about which characters she and Ffrances might have some symbolic link to. We got so deeply into that conversation that I barely paid any attention when we got around to the new episode for this week, and couldn't remember afterwards what new obstacles were thwarting the journey to Palmerston, Oregon this week. But then again, that might have been because I'd been drinking a little more than I otherwise should have done so early in the evening.

I told myself that it wasn't because I'd had a stressful day. I was enjoying spending time with my girlfriend and my little, and there was nothing at all wrong with being just slightly tipsy. It was a decision I was free to make, and I certainly didn't have any urge to drink to get over my problems.

We carried on chatting, even after Ffrances declared that she would have to take an early night because she had a long day ahead of her. I was expecting I would have a lot of work tomorrow as well, but I couldn't sacrifice the opportunity to spend time with my little. After we switched the TV off, we talked a little more about the comic series that Ffrances had gotten us both addicted to. We were enjoying different parts of a huge franchise, and it turned out that both of us knew some details we could tease each other with, becoming interested in finding out more about the parts that the other was currently reading.

After a while, I started to realise that Tess was marking time. Like there was something she wanted to say, but she was having trouble coming out with it. But eventually she got there.

"Listen, I know I only asked yesterday. But could you... like..."

I nodded slowly. She wanted not to wake up to a wet bed again. I knew that before she said it, but I wanted her to hesitate a little more. If she was asking too often, Ffrances would begin to suspect that she didn't actually enjoy waking up wet, and that would make it so much harder to get the hypnotic suggestions reinforced. Tess had to remain just a little nervous about asking for help, and I thought that two days in a row might be a little too much for her. Still, she seemed to be genuinely concerned, and I would much rather have a happy little. So I thought about what I was going to say all the time while she mumbled her way through the request.

"You won't have an accident in your sleep tonight," I told her. "But you're going to have an accident after you wake up in the morning."

I took a deep breath and watched her face carefully; or as closely as I could in the circumstances. I still had no idea about the precise wording Ffrances had used to give the suggestion, so my mind was racing to make sure I had an excuse ready. Just in case she wanted to know why I had said that.

"Thanks," Tess nodded and smiled. "I'd best get to bed, I think. And you should read the Martyr's Glove arc next, if you have the time. Don't forget."

I said I would, and waved after her. I was sure I must be grinning too broadly, but she didn't seem to have noticed. When I'd told her to have an accident, she had acted like I said nothing. Like I'd just said what she expected to hear. Just like the first time she'd been triggered to have a little accident in the night. If that was how her subconscious interpreted the suggestion, I thought there was a good chance she would be waking up wet.

But I couldn't congratulate myself too much just yet. I glanced at the clock, and realised that I really should have been in bed a couple of hours before. I climbed the stairs slowly, hoping there was still time to be fully rested before the morning.

"What kept you?" Ffrances mumbled when I climbed into bed.

"I thought you would be asleep already. Didn't you have a busy day tomorrow?"

"No, you do," she answered, giving me a moment of confusion. "You're drunk, babe. You needed to get to bed, you already told me how much you have to do tomorrow."

"But you said you wanted sleep."

"No, I said I wanted bed. I gave you enough hints, if you'd been able to pick up on them. I hoped that might get you up here sooner, without having to feel bad about leaving Tess to her own devices."

"Oh. I... missed all that, sorry. But she wanted a trigger, anyway. She... I think she's getting embarrassed." I found that as soon as I started talking, my imagination kicked in, and I knew exactly the right thing to say. "She wants to wake up wet, let her relax and feel childish after being a big girl for her violin exam. But she's embarrassed again, because it's not been too long since last time. She made me promise to tell you that she'd asked for another dry-night trigger if you asked."

"I won't mention it to her," she said. "If she knows to be cautious, I think she can regulate herself. Better than you can. But it's probably easier if I sleep late tomorrow. I get a long weekend, I think, so I might stay in bed until after she's gone to school. You'll have to wear me out so I sleep deeply.

I was going to question that, but then I felt her index finger resting in the centre of my forehead. The post-hypnotic trigger that would make me helplessly obey my Mistress's commands. And I knew that we were both going to sleep very well tonight.