Castle's partner

You are beautiful

Her phone rings and she leaves to go solve a murder. I stand up and walk to the bathroom. I honestly don't remember the last time I went. I raise my gown and sit on the toilet. I look down at my stomach and see my bruises. They are still a deep purple.
I finish going to the bathroom and walk to the sink to wash my hands. I pull up my sleeves and notice my scars are still there from cutting. I am very proud that I have gone over a month and I haven't made a single cut. I can't believe no one has figured out that I cut. Or that I'm depressed. Especially Beckett. She knows how it feels, and yet she still doesn't know. I suddenly feel the urge to cut, and I look around for something sharp. I don't see anything. I realize I haven't cut my finger nails in over a week, and they are now really long.
I drag my nails slowly across my wrist. It's not the same as a razor, but still effective. Small dots of blood start popping up along my arm. I am satisfied and I walk out of the bathroom and go back to my bed. I find a remote and turn on the TV. The news is on, and I am about to change it when I hear something I never wanted to here. The news lady is talking.
"Still no comment yet on how the fourteen year old Samantha Ross is doing after being rescued from a building two days ago. She was taken in her birth town of Sacramento, California, drugged, and brought back here to her current home of New York. She was then tortured for information regarding a case within the NYPD, but never revealed any. When she was found, she was in critical condition and quickly brought to the hospital, where she went into surgery for a stab wound to her leg. Her captor was shot to death by homicide Detective Kate Beckett. We hope for the best as New York's little hero struggles to survive."
I am stunned I drop the remote. I am staring at the screen of the TV until the weather comes on. My phone starts ringing. I look down and see an unknown number. A few texts start popping up that say things along the line of, "hope you are doing ok," and "you are amazing. Stay strong!"
I am still puzzling over these texts when someone knocks on the door.
"Come in." Castle walks in with a bouquet of flowers. I smile as he hands me the flowers.
"Thanks. They are beautiful."
"Just like you." He says with a smile.
I start laughing.
"Castle I look awful. I was just tortured and I haven't taken a shower in a week. I probably smell awful."
In all seriousness Castle replies,
"Ross, you look great. You have never been more beautiful to me."
I am curious as to why he thinks this, so I ask, "why?"
He looks me in the eyes, and I look away. He moves his hand to my face and gently turns my head towards his.
"You are beautiful because I never thought I would see you again. Because you were gone and hurt. Because you died, but you are still here. Because you are beautiful."
I'm stunned. No one has ever said I was beautiful before, and especially not like that. I don't know what to say, so I hug him. "Thank you." I whisper. We let go and there is so much I need to say, need to know, need to ask. I start with, "I need to go back to California. I need to get my stuff."
"It's already taken care of. You didn't unpack when you got there so I had your aunt send everything over, and a few other things that you didn't have before. It should all be here in a few days."
"Castle, you did that for me?"
He nods.
"Ok thank you first of all, and second, what did you tell my aunt? Does she know?"
"Um... I did what I thought you would have wanted and left it pretty vague. I just said you were kidnapped and taken back here, but you are ok?" He stops and looks at me apologetically.
"Really?"
"Yeah I'm sorry I didn't know what to say I didn't want to lie-"
"Thank you."
"Wha- I'm sorry?" He asks puzzled.
"That was perfect. Thank you."
He's surprised but continues anyways.
"So what else?"
"Ok um. How did my picture get on the news and what do I do about that?" I point to the TV that is still on, and replaying the segment about me. He bends down and picks up the remote off the floor and turns it off.
"Well looks like when a fourteen year old girl is kidnapped and tortured, it's pretty interesting. I'm sorry. I'm guessing some paparazzi was following me when we found you and pictures got leaked...." He trails off.
"What's wrong?" I ask.
"Pictures. That's why you looked so familiar. I had seen your picture before. The same place it is now. On the news. When your father was murdered it was on the news and they showed a picture of you because you were next of kin. Whoever is behind this whole thing may have wanted your picture out there again. So everyone knows it. If he wanted someone to see your picture but didn't want it traced back to them, they can't send it to anyone or meet with them. But putting it on the news? Everyone sees the news so it wouldn't be a big deal."
I process this, but don't want to think about it right now. I am scared. I try to move away from this and forget about it, so I ask Castle another question.
"Why did you agree to help Beckett with me?"
He furrows his eyebrows.
"Ross I just gave you a lead. If we find out who had your story put up there we may find your dads killer."
I purse my lips, trying to figure out how to let him know I don't want to do this yet. I'm not ready. It's hard enough for me right now as it is. I can't close my eyes without being in that room, or seeing my dads body, or my moms, or my sisters or my brothers.
"Ross? Ross?"
Castle is calling me, and I snap out of my thoughts. My face is wet and I realize I am crying. Castle's face is full of concern. He moves his thumb to my face and wipes away my tears.
"I sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. You need time. I get it. I just hate seeing you like this. Just like Beckett."
He sighs.
"When- when you were gone, I could barely function. I kept blaming myself. If you hadn't gone to California, with the plane ticket I bought you, none of this would have happened. You would be ok."
"Castle. It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault. Hell you kept me alive."
He looks at me and I can tell he's holding back tears. "How?"
"Castle when I died, I saw them again, and they told me to stay because I needed to stay with you. With you and Beckett and Lanie and Ryan and Espo and Alexis and Martha. Please don't blame yourself."
He sniffs and and I notice his eyes. They are a beautiful blue, like Ryan's. they remind me of my brothers. He had the most beautiful blue eyes. Except they were almost gray. I was so jealous of my siblings and their eyes. Brandi had hazel eyes. Jamie had green eyes. And my little brother Dominic had the most beautiful eyes you could possibly imagine. They always made fun of me because I have such ugly brown eyes. They called me poop-eyed girl. I would always laugh along with them when they called me this, but they never realized it actually hurt me. I guess that's why I'm so obsessed with eyes. I have always been jealous of people with pretty eyes, and I wish I did.
I snap out of my thoughts. I know that I thought all of that within about five seconds, so Castle still hasn't said anything yet. He opens his mouth and starts talking.
"I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It's not fair, and I would have done anything to stop it. I would have taken your place."
"Why?"
"Why? Because I love you. And I can't stand to see you in pain." He sighs. "So.... You wanna get outta here? I can have a nurse sign you out. Ill take care of you for a few days until your stuff gets here. Alexis has some clothes that will probably fit you until you get yours."
"Will Alexis be ok with that? I don't want to just walk into your guys' house and I don't want her to hate me. She loves you and I don't want to get in the way of that."
"Really? Alexis asked me to invite you over for a few days. She hasn't seen you yet and wants to make sure you are ok."
I feel myself blush.
"Oh. Ok. Well I would like to get out of here as soon as I can so yeah I guess so."

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I walk into Castles loft for the second time, and I am still amazed by it. I follow Castle into the guest bedroom and he tells me to make myself at home. He walks out and I go to sit on the bed. I am tired but I don't want to go to sleep. It's only like three in the afternoon. I lay down and decide that I am only going to close my eyes for a few minutes. I don't want to have any more nightmares.

I open my eyes and I am under the covers of the bed. The clock on the nightstand next to me reads 8:03 AM. I move the covers off of me and walk to the bathroom. I wash my face with cold water. I am drying my face with a towel and realize I didn't have a nightmare last night. I am busy wondering why as I walk downstairs. Castle is in the kitchen flipping chocolate chip pancakes. It smells amazing and reminds me of the ones my dad used to make. I can hear the sizzling bacon and am lost in my own world when Castle starts talking.
"Hey how did you sleep."
He had dark circles under his eyes, just like mine, and I suddenly realize why I didn't have a nightmare.
"Ok. But I think you already know that."
"Whaaaaat? What are you talking about?"
"You stayed with me all night."
"Oh yeah. That."
I walk over to him and bury my face in his chest.
"Thank you" I whisper.
He is surprised by my action because I don't usually give hugs, but he hugs me back anyways.
"So are you hungry?"