Castle's partner

Panic Attack

"What? That can't be right." I try to play it off like I have no clue why the computer would say that.
Their eyes are scanning my body, looking for an explanation.
"Ross." Beckett swallows hard.
"Please tell me that's wrong." The fear in her eyes builds.
"It is." I say unconvincingly.
"Y-You're lying." Lanie's voice is shaking.
I realize there is no way out of this one. Everything I have kept a secret of for so long was just torn down. My layer of protection is now gone.
I have no words. I sink down into the chair and pull up my sleeve, revealing all of my cuts. I close my eyes, wishing I could disappear. Someone pulls me into a hug. I open my eyes slightly and see it is Beckett. Lanie is still standing behind her in shock, unmoving.
I can hear Beckett quietly crying.
"You promised. Why didn't you tell us? Tell me?"
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
I can't cry. I'm so numb right now I don't feel anything. I want to feel something though. I need to feel pain.
I need to cut, but I know there is no way Beckett will allow that.
Suddenly I can't breathe. I gasp for breath.
Beckett lets go of me and looks at me with tears in her eyes.
My body goes limp.
She lays me on the ground and is yelling.
"Ross! Ross! What's happening?!"
Lanie is still frozen.
"Lanie help me!" Beckett is screaming.
Lanie snaps out of it. She sees me on the ground and runs over to Beckett.
"Keep her calm!" She grabs an oxygen mask and places it over my mouth and nose. She picks up a needle and inserts it into the crook of my arm. I feel myself instantly getting sleepy.
My eyelids start drooping, and I close them.

Beckett Pov.
Lanie puts a needle in Ross's arm, and she goes quiet.
I look at Lanie, and I know there is fear written on my face.
"What was that?" I question.
"Panic attack." We are both staring at her lifeless body. Her sleeve is still up and I see all of the cuts she inflicted on herself and I sink to the floor with my back against the wall. Lanie does the same next to me. I start crying again, and so does Lanie. We put our arms around each other, and I am the first to talk.
"I can't believe she's cutting herself. She could have told us. We could have helped her."
"I know girl, I know. It makes me so sad to see her hurting enough to do that. She cut really deep. That much blood at the crime scene could have killed her."
We go silent. I let go of my best friend and look over at my niece. It hurts me to see her so broken.
I hear a door open.
"Hey Lanie, Gates told me to check in with you-" Ryan stops abruptly when he sees Ross on the floor.
His eyes widen with fear.
"What happened?"
"She had a panic attack. We found out the blood at the crime scene was hers. She was cutting herself."
Ryan's expression changes from fear to anger. He slams his hand on the table, causing a loud sound to ripple through the dead silence.
"Damn it! Why didn't she tell us?" He yells. He is shaking in anger.
I walk to him and put my arms around my little brother. He puts his arms around me, and I can feel his tears hitting my skin.
"Hey we need to move her before she wakes up. That sedative wont last all that long."
I pull away from Ryan.
"Where is she going to go? I am going to take care of her but I need at least another week to get everything ready."
"I'll take her." Says Ryan without taking his eyes off her.
"What?"
"I'll take her. I have an extra bedroom and Jenny (his girlfriend still) is out of town."
"Ok." I nod. "Lets get her to your house."
Ryan takes her in his arms and carries her to the car.

We arrive at his apartment and bring her inside, setting her in the spare bed.
"Ok before she wakes up, is there anything sharp in here that she can hurt herself with, or the bathroom?"
"Probably."
We go around and take away every sharp object and put it under Ryan's bed.
When we are done, we sit down in chairs we brought into the room.
"Ok when she wakes up you need to have a talk with her. I need to go call Castle and tell him what happened so we can bring all her stuff here. Are you ok by yourself with her?"
He nods, not looking at me.
"Ok. Ryan?"
"Yeah?" He answers my call and looks at me.
"If she tries anything call me ok?"
"Ok. Thank you for helping." He says.
I walk out and get on my phone.