Castle's partner

She Lied

We arrive at the precinct the same time as Castle. The doors to the elevator open and we walk out together.
Ryan says, "Hey I'm going to go check out a lead with Esposito."
"Ok. Have fun." I wave at him sarcastically.
Castle has two coffees in his hand, and I know one is for Beckett.
"She might be in the interrogation room. Do you want to go look with me?"
He follows me into the observation room, and Beckett is in the box with a young man in his very early twenties.
He looks frantic. "I don't know, I told you I don't remember!"
"The hell you don't. How do you not remember?"
"I don't know! There was a bomb, and I was there, it must have been the trauma!"
I see Beckett snap.
"You want to know trauma? I was shot in the chest and I died. I felt the pain of that bullet in my chest and my life getting ripped from my body. And I remember every damn second of it."

My jaw drops.
Ever since the shooting, she keeps claiming she doesn't remember anything, and after all this time, she does.
Castle looks at me and with a shaky voice asks, "Did she just say what I think she said?"
It takes me a moment to find words.
"Castle, I'm so sorry."
I hug him.
He walks out of the room, setting Beckett's coffee on her desk.
"Castle!" I call after him.
"I need a few ok?"
"Ok. Just be careful."

My anger at Beckett flourishes.
She remembered, but she lied because she was afraid. Afraid of a relationship with Castle, afraid of everything.

She remembers seeing me on the ground with her, my body covered in her blood and mine.
And she lied.

The door opens behind me, and Beckett walks out.
My face is completely blank, but my eyes narrow at her. I lean against her desk, my arms crossed over my chest.
"Oh hey Ross. We got another suspect. He claims he doesn't remember anything but I think that's bullshit."
My sarcastic side kicks in, and mixed with anger it is never pretty.
"Oh yeah I totally agree with you. He's just scared, so he lied. That makes perfect sense to me. He saw all the pain other people were in, but instead of fessing up, he lies. That's a great way to handle things."

I can tell she's confused. I shake my head and turn away from her.
She grabs my shoulder.
"Ross were you watching?"
I pull away from her. She looks hurt.
"I don't know. You tell me. You seem to know everything."
She looks at the ground.
Her voice is soft and quiet.
"I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you, or anyone. I just couldn't handle everything. I hope you can forgive me."
Suddenly my anger turns to pain, and my tone matches hers.
"Everyone seems to lie to me. I thought I could trust you Beckett. I thought that when you found me, this was my new family. I guess I was wrong."
There are tears on her face.
Ryan walks over, not knowing what just happened.
"Hey- Beckett what's wrong? And Ross you too. What is going on?"
I'm still glaring at Beckett, and I'm still mad at her, but I also still love her.
"We just found out one of the suspects Beckett interviewed for my dads case lied to her, and she didn't know until just now. And it hurts."
Ryan gives me a look that is questioning and regretful at the same time, but he doesn't ask anything, just raises his eyebrows.

"I need a break. I'm going for a walk."
As I leave for the elevators, I can hear Beckett calling me, but I ignore her.

I will be back later. I just need to find Castle.