Castle's partner

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Castle pov

I walk into Ross's room, unsure of what I will find.

She is still unconscious.

She's ghostly pale. The darkness under her eyes seems to have become deeper. Tubes are coming out of her everywhere, hooked up to dozens of machines scattered around the room.

The heart monitor is beeping slowly. Her body is unmoving.

We surround her bed. It reminds me of Beckett, but Beckett wasn't out this long.

We take turns telling her how much we love her, and giving her a kiss on the forehead.

"I'll stay with her, I don't want her to wake up and have nobody here." Says Beckett.

"Do you want me to stay with you?" I ask.

"I think I'm ok. I'll call you guys if she wakes up or something ok?"

I don't want to think about the "or something" part.

I take Alexis by the hand and lead her outside with my mother.

I see Espo still sitting in the chair.

"Hey Alexis? Why don't you go get in the car with your grandma?"

When she heads towards the doors I head towards Espo.

"Hey. Why didn't you go see her?"

He shakes his head.

"She won't want to see me. It was my fault. I said the room was clear and it wasn't, and I didn't make her put Kevlar on."

"Espo, everyone makes mistakes. And I bet she made sure to tell you it wasn't your fault right? She knew she could have died, but she used possibly one of her last sentences to tell you that. It was that important for her that you knew that."

He takes in my words, but I can't tell if he believes them or not.

"Ok I'm going home. You ok?"

He nods again.

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I get in bed, but don't expect to fall asleep. I keep picturing her in her hospital bed. She looked so fragile. I want her to wake up so badly, she can't die. She's too young. I love her. She needs to solve her case, get a boyfriend, get married, be the youngest female to join the team, have kids.

At the same time, I don't want her to wake up because then she will be in pain.

I wish she could heal completely, and then wake up.

This won't help with her PTSD.
I hope it won't make it worse.

I toss and turn all night long thinking about her. I turn my phone's volume as high as it will go, and I keep waiting.

At every slightest sound, I spring at my phone, hoping Beckett is calling.

Hoping, but at the same time dreading.

Not knowing is the worst sort of torture imaginable.

I sit up and rub my eyes, throwing the covers aside.

I look at the clock.

Five in the morning. I was up all night. And Beckett hasn't called.

I decide to get up because it is worthless trying to go to sleep.

I get in the car and drive to the nearest Starbucks.

I order two coffees and breakfast sandwiches.

I make my way to the hospital.

I peer into Ross's room in ICU before entering.

Beckett is sitting in a chair, holding her hand.

"Hey. I brought you breakfast."

I hand her a coffee and a bag.

"Thanks." She takes the bag.

I sit next to her.

"How's she doing?"

She shakes her head.

"She hasn't moved. I don't know."

Her face falls. In turn, I take her hand, and her face shoots to mine.

Her hazel eyes are etched with pain.

"She'll be ok."

She nods gratefully.