Castle's partner

Heart and Soul

Her eyes sadden as they bore into mine.

"I love you. With all my heart and soul I love you Samantha. And you know how hard it is for me to love. I know it's hard for you too. But you can't keep shutting us out."

I take in her words and pull on the clothes she handed me.

"Beckett, can I tell you something?"

"Of course sweetie."

"My worst fear, is that one of you will leave. Or one of you gets hurt and it's my fault. Everyone I loved left me. If you guys leave, I will have lost everybody."

"Samantha, I swear I will never leave you."

"But what if something happens to you? Beckett I can't-"

"Let me tell you something. If anything does happen to me, you promise me you will learn how to live without me. I will do everything in my ability to stay by your side. But if I go, I need you to look after everyone, after the team, you would hold them together."

"I can't do that Beckett. I have enough trouble as it is not killing myself right now!"

At that, she goes silent. She puts her arms around me softly.

Our height difference is great enough that she can rest her chin on my head.

"Please don't." She mumbles.

"Alright, you need to go to sleep. Don't argue."

I let go and get in bed.

"Do you want me to stay?"

I nod without looking at her.

She sits in the chair at the desk.

"It's okay," she says after a few minutes of me refusing to go to sleep. "Nothing will hurt you here. Close your eyes and think good thoughts."

Wow, that was a knife in the heart. My mom said that every time I had a bad dream when I was little.

I turn over and face the wall, biting my lip.

But I heed their words. I close my eyes, but nothing good forms in my mind.

Instead I fall asleep to the memory of Brandon choking me.

And he does it again, except this time it isn't me trapped in his grasp, it's Oliver.

"No! Stop!" I scream, but for some reason I can't move. I keep yelling until Oliver falls to the floor in an unconscious heap. Then Brandon heads for me.

His hands wrap around my neck like the vines in a vineyard, squeezing the life out of me.

"Help," is all I manage before he lets go, and I scream as I too, lose consciousness.

"Samantha!" Beckett shakes me awake from my nightmares, and I realize there are tears wetting my face.

"What happened?" She asks, and at this my sobs become audible.

I fall against her, and she holds me while I cry.

"Oliver," is all I can say.

"He's okay, I promise. Why don't you call him? Talk to him. He'll tell you he loves you. Trust me, it's not worth it to push him away."

I feel so vulnerable like this, and I hate it.

I pull away from her and stand up. I hastily put on my sweatshirt and shoes.  The pants I'm wearing are sweats so I can wear them in public.

"Samantha what are you doing?" Beckett looks at me worriedly.

I don't respond, I just continue to grab the things I need.

I start to walk out the door when Beckett yells at me.

"Samantha!"

"What!?" I scream, my eyes flashing at her and my chest heaving.

"What are you doing?" Her voice softens slightly.

Upon seeing her relax, I do too.

"I'm going for a walk. I'll be back later."

"Wait, wait. You promise me you aren't going to hurt yourself or you're not going."

"Fine," I say and turn.

"No. Look at me." She places her index finger under my chin and moves my face until my eyes meet hers. I see fear. "Promise."

She knows I can't lie to her.

"I promise Beckett."

I don't give her a second glance before heading out the door.

I take the stairs, and subconsciously rub my sore neck.
I'm so lucky I'm not dead.

I find myself in the park, where there are surprisingly few people. I guess people can't handle the heat and humidity.

I can though after living on the streets for a year. This is nothing compared to the freezing cold winters and snow.

I sit on the bench and watch as a father and son throw a football around while his wife and daughter giggle on the grass making daisy chains.

I'm so immersed in their perfect lives I don't notice what's happening in mine.

"Hey," comes a voice from behind me, making me jump.

I whirl around, only to face Oliver, and immediately a blanket of fear washes over me.

"What are you doing here?" My voice comes out small.

He approaches me and my breath hitches.

He gently pushes back my hood, and his hands drop to meet mine.

"I'm not going to hurt you. I wanted to make sure you were okay after today."

"Hey, you know he won't hurt you. And you still love him." My brain yells at me.

Slowly, I close the gap between us and bury my face in his chest. He wraps his arms around me and exhales softly.

"Beckett said I still love you. I told her I never loved you and you know what? I've never told such a huge lie in my entire life. I do love you Oliver, please don't leave me."

And at that very moment the skies open up, black clouds appearing out of nowhere and rain completely drenches us within seconds. Thunder shakes the ground beneath us, lightning fills the sky in a flash of white.

He pulls me in for a kiss, and God am I grateful he did that.

"C'mon we gotta find shelter!" He yells over the roar, and I nod vigorously.

We run hand and hand to the nearest bus stop, and wait under the tiny overhang together.