Castle's partner

Castle's Christmas Party

I am so happy for Jenny and Ryan.
I know it's meant to be, and I'm glad they are getting married.

They stare at each other as the precinct bursts into applause.

Hand and hand they approach me.

"Hey we're leaving. Let's go."

"Um... I'm gonna stay here for a little while."

"Are you sure?" Asks Jenny.

"Yeah totally." I nod a little too enthusiastically.

"Ok. See you later then. Love you!"
They take turns hugging me.

I wait until they leave to walk over to Beckett.

"Hey Beckett?"

"What's up?"

"Umm... I was wondering... can I spend the night with you? It's totally cool if you say no."

"Of course! I'm leaving now you wanna come with me?"

"Yeah. Let me just grab my file."

I head back to her desk to pick up the manila folder with papers of all colors sticking out the sides.

Her apartment is roomy for only one person living here. It seems gloomy, the walls painted a sort of mahogany. It's nice though. It feels welcoming.

I look around and see many pictures in simply decorated frames sitting on side tables and strategically placed night stands.

There are several of her mom and her dad, and them together.
There are also some of all of us.

My favorite is the one we took at Castle's Christmas party.

Castle has his arm slung around Martha, and he's kissing Alexis on the forehead. Jenny is resting her head on Ryan's shoulder, and they grasp each other's hands.
Lanie has her arms around Espo's neck, and they are gazing into each other's eyes and smiling. Beckett's sticking her tongue out as she stares at the camera. And I am sitting on the floor in front of all of them. You can only see the side of my head because I'm turning towards everyone, but you can tell I'm smiling. I'm smiling a real smile.

I love this picture.

"Here I'll show you your room. I'm almost done getting it ready for you. Sorry it's taking so long. I've been a little distracted with other things."

She leads me into a medium sized guest room.

"You can sleep in here tonight. The bathrooms down the hall and to the left. I'm making dinner so it should be ready in about an hour."

"I'm not hungry Beckett."

I say so swiftly I almost interrupt her. I know my eyes are changing to their depressed look.

Beckett's face falls.

"Why what's wrong?"

I shake my head. She doesn't need to know.

"Ross, I swear to God. If you don't tell me right now I'll-"

"You'll what? Beckett I'm not afraid of getting hurt. I'm afraid of you getting hurt."

"I know you know this! You just don't want to admit it to yourself. You know that when you are hurting, it hurts us too. You just feel guilty because that already happened!"

I know. I do.

I sink onto the bed. Beckett squats next to me and rests her hands on my legs.

"We love you so much, and I know you don't want to but you love us too. How would you feel if you thought one of us was going to hurt ourselves? You would feel awful wouldn't you?"

She takes both of my hands in hers.

"Come on let's get some sleep. I know you are lacking that too."

The next morning we are called in bright and early for a fresh body.

We arrive at the crime scene and everyone is already there.

Ryan runs up to me and hugs me.

"Hey what happened last night?"

"I stayed with Beckett."

"Oh. Why?"

"I-"

"Hey Ryan we find out our COD. Single GSW to the spine. The vic was running away it looks like, but we won't know any more until we get Lanie's report."

Espo interrupts me, thankfully.

Once again I dodged a bullet, but I'm not sure how much longer I can avoid the line of fire.