Castle's partner

My Fault

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I cry, and tug on Ryan's arm, but he pulls away and leaves.

"Ryan!" I scream, but he doesn't hear me.

My eyes fly open, and I'm in someone's arms. Lanie holds me until I recover from my painful nightmare.

"Are you okay baby?"

"Yeah I'm fine."

"What's up with you and Ryan? It can't be good if you were having a nightmare about it. He got really stressed after he talked to you, what happened?"

"Nothing."

She places a hand on my forehead.

"You're still hot. I'm taking you to the doctor unless you tell me what happened."

"Lanie-"

She cuts me off with a look that scares even Beckett, Ryan and Espo, and I give in.

"I got scared of him, and he got mad and left. That's it."

She stands up and walks out of the break room.

"Kevin!"

I run after her.

"Lanie!"

And then we both stop at the sight of Oliver talking to Castle, Beckett, Ryan and Espo. He takes my blade from his pocket, and my heart skips a beat and speeds up.

"Oliver," I say breathlessly. "What are you doing?"

The four of them throw a glance in my direction, and Beckett takes it from Oliver's hand.

"Thank you. Now go wait in the break room, you don't need to see this." She whispers.

He hesitantly does this, and on his way past me his fingertips brush mine.

"I had to," he whispers in my ear, only loud enough for the two of us.

Beckett waits for him to leave before chewing me out.

"Samantha, what the hell. I thought I told you to stop. We just had this conversation! You promised me, you said you weren't going to hurt yourself and you broke that promise."

"No, Beckett I didn't I swear! I always have that blade in my pocket but I didn't use it. I didn't lie to you Beckett, you have to trust me."

She crosses her arms over her chest and glares at me, but sighs.

"Really?"

"Yes Beckett, I promise."

She sighs, she believes me. 

"Kevin." Comes Lanie' s voice, and I flinch. "Why the hell would you do that to her? She's hurting, and you're just making it worse!"

He ducks his head, his cheeks turning red from shame.

"It's my fault. She shouldn't be around me if I hurt her."

His words hurt me.

I take a deep breath and step closer to him.

I put my arms around his neck as I stand on tiptoe to reach.

"You're not hurting me now." I whisper, and I feel his body relax.

"I love you Samantha."

"I love you too."

He lets go, and his hand brushes my forehead.

"You're hot, are you sure you're not feeling sick?"

"I'm fine."

His deep blue eyes look into mine, searching for the truth. I lied, but I can also hide it.

"Okay."

"Alright, there's something we need to tell you." Says Castle.

Oh no.

"Sit."

I bite my lip and stare at the ground.

"Look at me," he says gently. "I'm not sure how you'll react to this."

"Just tell me Castle, I can handle it."

He takes a deep breath.

"Elizabeth's dead."

Woah. That was...wow. Though she didn't ever hit me, I have a certain hate for her, but at first, she was like a mother to me.

But she's dead?

I swallow my emotions for a second.

"How?" I ask.

"She was found murdered in Central Park."

"How? And who?"

"We don't know who."

I clench my fists. "Why aren't you telling me how?"

They look at each other.

"It looks like a BTK copycat." Espo says softly.

"She was tortured? And raped?" I question.

He nods.

"Oh." I mumble and stuff my hands in my sweatshirt/jacket pocket.

"You okay Chica?"

I nod, still unsure of my feelings.

Did I love her? Maybe at one point. And I think she loved me, but she was scared. Brandon hit her too sometimes, and who knows what he did to her when I wasn't around. But she didn't stand up for me. She could have stopped his abuse and she didn't.
But she didn't deserve to be murdered like that.

I glance at the window behind them, and notice the storm has died down to a mere sprinkle.

It's two in the morning!

"Can we leave now?" I ask, pointing to the window.

"Yeah. Let's go." Says Beckett.

I go say goodbye to Oliver, and he gives me a quick kiss.

"To have a rainbow, you need a little rain." He whispers.