Castle's partner

Not Italy

The next morning, I get up before Ross. She is sleeping, but restlessly.
Although she tried to hide it, I could hear her stifling sobs.
All through the night, she was haunted by nightmares that forced her to talk and scream.
I tried to calm her down the best I could, but nothing seemed to work.
I head to the kitchen and pull out my phone to tell Beckett what happened yesterday.
"Beckett." She answers.
"Hey it's Ryan."
"Yeah I know I have caller ID."
She laughs. I usually would but I don't, and Beckett notices.
"What happened? Are you ok, is Ross ok?" Her voice changes.
"Yesterday, yesterday she tried to jump the roof of the precinct. I caught her just before she fell."
I can hear her breath hitch.
"I'm calling everyone and coming over."
"She's still asleep."
"Ok, we will be there when she wakes up."
"Ok. See you soon."
We hang up.

Within half an hour, Beckett, Castle, Espo, Lanie, Alexis and Martha show up at my door.
"Where is she?" Asks Beckett, a desperate look on her face.
"In her room, still asleep. I think."
Then we hear the faucet turn on.
I walk to the bathroom and knock.
"Ross? Are you ok?" The water stops running.
"Yeah I'm fine." She says, even though she's not.
"Can I come in?"
She opens the door slowly. She looks awful. There are bags under her eyes, and her shoulders are drooping.
I step inside and close the door behind me.
I put my arms around her. Her tense body relaxes slightly, and she reciprocates the action.
"Please don't let go." She says.
So we stand like this for five minutes.
"Hey Ross?"
"Mmh." She manages so I know she's listening.
"They're all here."
"What?" She pulls away from me.
"You told them?"
"I had to. They needed to know."
"No they didn't! Ryan I wish you hadn't told them."
"Well I did. And you have to talk to all of them."
"I don't want to. Ryan that hurts me."
I sigh. "I know, but I hope it will make you realize how much we all care about you."
She only nods.

Ross pov
I'm standing here not wanting the pain I know will come.
He holds out his hand for me to take, and I bravely decline.
"C'mon."
He opens the door and walks out, and I have to follow.
As I turn the corner, I see everyone that I care about, their faces lit with worry.
Before I can say anything, Beckett runs at me, pulling me into a hug with such force that I am almost knocked over.
"Oh my God. Don't do that again!"
I squeeze my eyes shut as a defense against the words that plague me.

I suffer through each person's hugs, and they all tell me the same thing.
"I love you, if you need to talk I'm here, don't do that again."

The worst was seeing Alexis.
As she hugged me, I could feel her shaking.
"I love and care about you. I know you don't think I do, but I do. Losing you would be losing the closest thing I have to a sister."
Did she just call me her sister?
"I'm sorry Alexis. I never meant to hurt you."

After everyone hugs me again, they head out the door, and I am left with Ryan. I sit on the couch and look at the clock.
I have trouble believing it only reads 11:14.
Ryan sits next to me. I lay my head on his shoulder.
"Lets get some food." He speaks after a few minutes. "What do you want?"
"I don't care."
"Do you want to go to El Palmar?"
Oooh Ryan. I can't believe you just played the favorite restaurant card just to get me to eat.
I actually wouldn't mind going there, not that I would eat much.
I cross my arms over my chest.
"I thought I was on suicide watch."
I say defiantly with a grin on my face.
His eyes narrow, but his lips curl into a smile.
"If you promise you won't try to kill yourself, I guess we can go."
"Fine. Then what? It's not even noon."
"You choose."
I am not expecting him to say this, so I already have words ready.
"Ryan- wait what?"
"You choose what we do today. We can watch a movie, go to the mall, get ice cream"
I think for a moment. It's New York! There are hundreds of things we could do, thousands of places we could go. Then it hits me.
"Anything?" I ask.
"Well if you asked me to take you to Italy no, but within reason yes."
I laugh for the first time in weeks.
"The zoo." I say, and keep laughing at Ryan's shocked face.
"What?"
"I want to go to the zoo."