Castle's partner

Not ok

I open my eyes and I am confused for a moment before I remember where I am. I am laying I the ground, and my arm is covered in blood. I look down to see the carpet covered in blood. I see the glint off the glass, and I put it in my pocket.
I stand up and walk out of the building. I am sore from running yesterday, but I barely notice it over the scream of my arm. The shirt I am wearing rubs against the raw skin, and soon I can see red through the shirt.
I walk into the nearest coffee shop ad go into the bathroom. I wash my arm off and wrap paper towel around my it. I feel a throb in my leg and look down to see my cast. Crap. I totally forgot about that. It's a walking around cast that is removable but I still can't believe I was running in it yesterday. I finish washing blood off my cast and I lean against the sink and look in the mirror. I look awful.
I have dark circles under my eyes, and I look tired. I don't know what to do and I can't think very clearly. I haven't eaten in twenty four hours, and I know that's not helping.
I don't want to go back to the precinct, but I don't know we're else to go. I don't want to stay away long enough to be filed as missing, but I am afraid to go back. I decide that I will make my decision as I walk. I unlock the door and start outside, and I bump into someone.
"Oh I'm sorry!" We both say at the same time. The voice sounds familiar so I look at the mans face, and it is Castle.
Of course it is. He always gets coffee in the morning but does it have to be here?
He pulls me into a hug and doesn't let go.
"Oh my god don't ever do that again. I thought they took you or you were dead or I don't know! Are you ok? Are you hurt? What happened?"
"Castle I'm fine." I push his body away from mine and I walk outside. I can hear him following me. He grabs my elbow and I whirl around to face him.
"You are not fine! Why do girls always say that? I know you are not ok! Why can't you just tell me that? I can help you!" He is yelling now, but so am I.
"No you can't! No one can! I am broken beyond repair and nothing you do can help me! If you help me you are going to get hurt just like everybody else that gets close to me. If I were you I would stay away from me because I am dangerous. I am a bomb Castle. And each time I get close to someone I explode. And each time I get hurt, but everyone else gets ripped away from me! And I can't handle that anymore! I can't!" By now I am punching the air and I can't control myself. Castle walks over to my and puts his arms around me. He brings me down to the ground in a hug and I am on my knees. My fists are trapped between our chests. I am pulling away from him as hard as I can but his grip is stronger. I am sobbing and screaming into his chest and trying to pull away.
Suddenly I am exhausted and I feel my body go limp. I am still sobbing and my body is shaking but I stopped fighting. He is stroking my hair and whispering, trying to comfort me.
"Ssssh hey it's ok. I will help you I promise. I'm sorry. I'm right here. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."
Slowly that shaking in my body subsides and my sobs go silent. I can still feel tears on my face. Everything is numb, like all of the nerves were ripped out of my body. I take a breath against Castle's shirt and his grip on me loosens. He picks me up and carries me to the car. He buckles me in and I stare out he window, feeling like a little kid. He holds my hand the entire ride and we pull up to the station. He gets out and walks around the car to get to the passenger side. He opens my door and unbuckles my seatbelt and picks me up. He carries me inside and I bury my face in his shirt. I put my arms around his neck as we get closer to Beckett's desk.
I hear Beckett, Espo and Ryan run up to him and I feel a hand in my back. I don't want to see who it is. I don't want anyone to see me like this. Castle takes me into the break room and everyone follows. Someone closes the blinds.
Castle sets me down gently on the couch. I don't look up from my lap. I pull my knees up to my chest and bury my face in them. I can hear Castle telling then what happened, and I don't care. I feel someone sit on the couch next to me. I briefly look up to see who it is. Beckett's eyes meet mine and she puts he arm around me, pulling my body into her side. I rest my head on her shoulder. I see Ryan sitting down next to me, and Espo next to him. Castle sits down next to Beckett.
I close my eyes. For a minute I feel ok. I know that they are here for me, and in this moment I feel safe. I know that if I go to sleep I won't have a nightmare, so I drift off and know I'm ok.