All in his head

thirty eight

Adrian

4 Months Earlier

Sitting at my desk in the small safehouse, I could only focus on Tate instead of getting my work done. The picture of us the day I proposed sitting on my desk is a constant reminded of what I've done to her. 

It's been almost two months since I faked my death and started the long wait for Tommy to show up. Everyone beside a select few believe Atlas as fully taken over until my brother is capable of stepping up. But he is only repeating and being my eyes and ears.

Including watching over Tate.

I had cameras in the safehouse where she is, but it's hard to tell what's going on through a screen. She just sits there and cries most of the time, I did that to her. At times she cries so hard she makes herself sick. 

I want to call this whole thing off so bad, to go back to Tate and hope she forgives me for putting her through this. 

Once more I watch her stumble into the bathroom followed shortly by Atlas holding a plastic bag and a water. I don't have cameras in the bathroom, so I just wait until something happens. 

Atlas walks out and looks into the camera hidden on the shelf. I watch him give the single that he will call me shortly and then Tate walks back out holding something in her hands. I can't see what it is and feel an awful feeling settle in my stomach. 

Kai walks in and says something about her being something, but doesn't say what she might be. 

My leg starts bouncing as I hear a timer go off and Tate pick up a small stick. She doesn't say anything but just starts crying as Atlas stands up and leaves the room.

Then my phone starts buzzing.

"What's going on?" I ask as Tate starts coming down and starting out the window. 

"She's pregnant. That's why she has been getting so sick recently, it's morning sickness" He says.

My heart stops at his words. 

The woman of my dreams is pregnant with my child and thinks I'm dead. 

"Absolutely not, we are not doing this. Get her over to where am I right now. She isn't going to go through this alone." I order and start putting my things away. If he won't bring her to me, I'll go to her. I need to be with her right now, she needs to know I am alive and going to be there for her. 

"Adrian, Tommy is watching her closely right now we both know he is waiting to see if this is real or not. We can't risk him finding out you're alive. As much as I hate to it for your sake and Tate's, but she can't know or this whole thing will fail." 

"Fuck that, my fucking fiancé is pregnant. We can figure something else out, I'm on my way over."  

I got in my car and speed towards her, I need to see her. To hold her and tell her that I'm here and ready to do whatever she needs me to do. 

Finally I make it to the house over looking the ocean and get out. But Atlas is already standing outside the door. 

"Are you fucking insane? Are you trying to give that poor girl a heart attack or let Tommy know you're alive?" He growls, I scoff and push past him before opening the door. 

There she was. 

Asleep on the couch, tear stains on her cheeks and the tip of her nose bright red. I can feel Atlas and Kai glare at me as I squat in front of her and lightly touch her cheek. Sleepily she grabs my thumb and holds my hand to her face. 

A tear falls down my face as she mumbles my name and grabs my wrist with her other hand. I kiss her forehead before standing up as her hands fall away from my hand.

Seeing her makes me realize why am I doing this, in the long run this is what's going to save her. She is hurting now but once all is said and done, she can be safe and not fearing her fucked up family.

"Keep her safe for me" I say as I walk towards the door. Atlas nods and pats my shoulder. "We will, boss" 

Then I walked away from the love of my life, leaving her to go through pregnancy alone.

Present.

It's so much harder to look her in the eyes than I thought it would be. Nothing but disbelief and confusion in her honey eyes as she carefully inspects to make sure I'm real. 

Her hair is a lot shorter now. Just below her shoulders instead of the long down to her waist hair I remember. I thought I liked her better with long hair, but she looks very more sexy with the short hair she had now. 

Staring at the photo of her ultrasound, doesn't feel real. She was pregnant with our child and I'm holding a picture of him. 

Tate has completely buried herself into my side, her face hidden away from me but I felt the small wet spots from her tears. 

I feel sick.

I have destroyed her, left her alone for almost her whole pregnancy. Her first time becoming a mother, and I ruined it.

Yet for so ungodly reason, she forgave me and almost immediately told me how our baby is and the name she came  up with. I'll never understand how Tate is so forgiving of my actions, I've continuously fucked up and she gets mad for a moment before seeming forgiving me. I don't understand what I have done to deserve her forgiveness. I don't deserve her forgiveness.

"Can we go home?" She asks finally looking up at me, "Yeah, we can go home" I say before helping her off the couch. 

She hugs my arm tightly as we walk out of the conference room and out in the deserted warehouse. I missed her doing that, I love it when she holds me like this. Looking down at her, she looks similar to the day she found out she was pregnant, tear stained cheeks and the tip of her nose red. 

The drive to our apartment is short and she leads me to the bedroom, her hand tightly gripping mine. Quickly I realize she want to take a nap together and I turn us on a movie. With her baby belly in the way of her normal position, she holds my arm to her front and pressed her back into me. 

"Adrian can I ask you something?" She says turning around in my arms and looking up at me, I nod and move her messy hair away from her eyes. "Did you ever come visit me when I was asleep or anything like that?"

I smile down at her and start playing with her hair. "I did a couple times, like the day you found out you're pregnant and whenever it was clear you were having an extra bad day. I stayed almost the whole night before your 20 week scan after Atlas told me how scared you were to find out if the baby is healthy." I say, she smiles up at me and hugs my torso to the best of her ability. 

"I knew I wasn't crazy. A couple times I thought I heard your voice or felt that tingly feeling I get when you kiss me. I thought your spirit was visiting me or something like that." She mutters more to herself than me. 

I laugh and kiss her one last time before she drifts off to sleep in my arms, right where she belongs.