"So What you wanted to talk about?" Dani asked me. "Has Simon been seeing someone else.." I said, while looking down trying my best not to cry. "Not that I know of, why would you think that?" Dani asked. "Well, every time we hang out, he is all quiet and just isn't how we were when we first met, the only time I see him smile is when he's texting someone. I try to make myself think that he is talking to the lads, but I feel like is talking to someone, that he loves. I just... I just feel like the only reason he is with me is because of the kids. I don't see the Simon that I fell in love with anymore. And clearly he doesn't love me anymore" I said, crying silently, just because I don't wanna to have all the attention. Dani was just hugging me, I feel like she didn't know what to say. But I could completely understand. A girl that decided to tell how she is feeling to someone, and not to a razor, that goes to her skin and makes her feel like she is better and that the pain is going away. "I'm sorry you feel that way with him, I'm proud you told me about how you feel, and not with a razor. I just.. to be honest, I think that if you don't love him, or the way he treats you, than move on, I'll be there with you, to help you out if needed. He doesn't deserve someone that is trying to love him and that doesn't want to leave them. You made it without him, through the worst part, of having to give birth without no one being my your side, to seeing them crawl, to going to the hospital when your child had a bad fever and couldn't breath good, you could make and if having to be alone is the choice than that is the risk you should that." She told me. "I'll think about it tonight, but thank you, it mean alot that you care" I said hugging her. She just nodded. "Text me when you get home, promise, cause if not I'll spam the living crap out of you" she said. I giggled and nodded.
I went to the bathroom to fix my face. After that I took a deep breath and walked to the living room. "Eleanor and Elliott ready to go home?" I said, trying my best to not cry. They nodded. I gave each of their hands and started walking out the door. "Wait mummy, I forgot to say byebye to daddy" Elliott said and started running up the stairs. "Wait Elliott don't go" I said, but I think he couldn't hear me. I sat on the stairs, trying not to cry. "You alright?" someone asked. I just nodded. I look up at them and seeing its Tobi. "Yeah, hahaha, I'm just waiting for Elliott to finish saying goodbye to Simon.." I said fake smiling. "Are you sure?, you look sad" he said trying to get me to look at him. "Hahaha, yes I'm 100% fine, I just hurt my ankle while I was walking from the hallway" I said. "Well alright, see ya when?" Tobi asked. "Ummm, I don't know." I said. "Well let me know, I promised Elliott for when he ever comes, I would bring some pizza" he said and started to walk away. I than heard someone screaming from the upstairs , I looked around making sure no one else heard. I just know that Elliott is gonna come down crying. I ran into the kitchen. "Hey, umm Tobi, can you go buckle up Eleanor for me, I don't want her to think that we are gonna stay here any longer" I asked. "Sure, is the car open?" He asked. "Umm no but in my bag the keys are in there" I said. He nodded, and I waited for Elliott.
I than see my little boy, with tears running down his face, and walking so slow down the stairs. When he finally saw me, he than ran to me. "Why is he so mean mummy" he said as I carried him. "I'm sorry, lets go home" I said. I walked out the house and to my car. I buckled Elliott in and than gave Tobi a hug. "Are you sure you are okay?" He said. I just shaked my head no. And got into my car, with tears running dowm my face, and drove home.
Tears running down myself while driving, trying my best to not crash or anything. I took a deep breath, hoping that it will help. Well it help, but not me, it's just made me start sobbing. I pulled over just because my makeup was starting to get into my eyes. "Hey you guys want some apple juice from Starbucks?" I said. "Yeah please mummy" Eleanor said. I looked back at them seeing Elliott just looking out the Window. I pulled up on the drive thru and started to order. "Can I have two apple juices with some chocolate chip cookies, and a medium chocolate covered strawberry Frappuccino please?" I said.
Once I got them, I paid and started to drive home, much better and seeing Eleanor and Elliott talk together and hearing their little conversation, was just what I needed to be happy. When we got home, we started to do homework. "Wash your hands please, we don't need chocolate chip cookies crumbs on our homework now do we?" I said. "No mummy, come on Eleanor, let wash hands" Elliott said. When they finally came down we started to do some homework.
"We done!!" Elliott and Eleanor said. "Yeah!, great job kids!" I said. "Now who wants to help me make your lunches for tomorrow?" I said while walking to the kitchen. "Me!, Me!, Me!, Me!" I all heard. "Well come to the kitchen if you wanna help, and bring your luck bag!" I said. I than hear foot steps going down the stairs, I just smiled. "Okay, so what do you guys want to for lunch?" I asked. "Mmm I want, a sandwich again, with a apple, and can I have some doritos too?" Elliott said. "Okay, what about drink?" I said. "Umm my water bottle" he said. "And you Eleanor?" I said while already preparing Elliott lunch. "Mmmm I want a sandwich, with some doritos and my drink is water too" she said. "And mummy can you make a sandwich for my best friend Abbie?" She asked "Sure thing sweetheart" I said. Once I finished I put the lunches in the fridge. "Soo, let get to bath time and maybe we could watch a movie after" I said. "Yeahhh!" They said.
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"Soo what movie should we watch?" I said while looking through my DVD boxes. "Mmm Cinderella?" Eleanor said while holding the DVD case out. I looked over at Elliott and seeing him shake his head no. I giggled. "Mmm how about The Lion King?" I said. While getting the DVD case. I looked at them and they seem to agree. We sat down in the living room with blankets and pillows. When the movie finished I see that they both fell asleep. I carried one by one, up the their rooms and into their beds giving them a kiss on the forehead. I than go up to my room. I grad myself a towel to go to the shower. "Shit, where is my phone" I mumbled remembering that I was supposed to text Dani. "Maybe in the living room" I said. I walked down the stairs and tossed around the blankets and pillows. "Found you" I said while seeing it on the couch under a blanket. I turned on my phone and just see 64 new messages from ♡Dani♡ and 24 new messages from =Tobi= and 3 new messages from Simon. I read all of the messages from Dani first.
♡Dani♡: hey you home yet?
♡Dani♡: Answerrrr meee!
♡Dani♡: Dude Simon is too drunk he almost slap me, for defending you :'(
♡Dani♡: Josh is helpimg me to stop crying, but even though I like him, I need you!!
♡Dani♡: Answer me :( are you okay?
Many more messages I've read, and all of them I felt guilty for.
Ashley: Sorry, Dani, what if I pick you up so we can go somewhere tomorrow me you the other girls and the kids?
♡Dani♡: sure thing ♡, I'll ask the other girls if they wanna go, when coming?
Ashley: mmm 12:40pm :3
♡Dani♡: okay see ya tomorrow, love you :)
Ashley: LoveS you ♡♡
When I finished talking to her, I looked through the messages from Tobi and Simon, crying my eyes out of course, seeing that Simon didn't care about me, but he still wanted to be together, and Tobi and the others caring for me. I just sat of the couch wishing this life was a dream. I got up and than headed to my shower. I was showering, but than I felt like cutting, I didn't want to, but I felt like it was needed. I grad my razor, and well did it. 'One for not be good enough for this world, Two for being an attention whore, Three for not being good enough for Simon, Four for Me being a worthless Person to everyone, even Simon, Five for letting my Children down, Six attention Whore, Seven for being Fat, Eight,Nine, Ten. All these scars and cuts always have a reason. I watch as my blood and the water went down the drain. I took a deep breath and showered without cutting anymore. When I finished I put a oversized sweater on, not caring if I put undergarments on. And went to sleep. Hopefully tomorrow I make the right decision.
Sorry i didn't upload, just going through some stuff but anyways hope you enjoyed this month I might not upload alot since i will be studying and be very stressed out for some exams that I have to take for a whole 6 weeks. But anyways just wondering I have a great idea for a Vikk fan fiction and just wondering when you guys wanna see it after this one or while I'm doing this one. Let me know here or on twitter! Twitter: @izzylove0228 or @izzylove1141 so ya and maybe you will be in it! ;) I'll mostly reply on twitter so yea :) byebye LoveS you
