Bad Habits (A Rafe Cameron/OBX story)

Chapter 31

TW: mentions physical and emotional abuse. Drug use and self harm.

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I talk to no one, look at no one for the entire boat ride back. My lip quivers, tears threaten to fall but I can't let them. He can't see how much this is breaking me. I didn't want to do it, but I had to. Every single time I think we are in a good and solid place, it gets fucked up. I can't live like that. I can't sit and watch while he ruins his life, using drugs and hurting people. He won't drag me down with him. I'm about to be a senior in high school and I can't let his issues stand in the way of me excelling. As hard as that is to say, it's the truth. If he truly loves me and we are meant to be... then he will find a way to fix his problems and cope. If not, then that's his fucking loss. But I'm not going to be the girl that holds his hand while he jumps off of a bridge.

He drops off the Pogues, then pulls away from the dock to take me home. I will get my car from their house tomorrow. Right now, I just want to go home and scream into my pillow. He doesn't finish tying the boat to my dock before I jump off and speed walk toward my house. Rafe yells from behind me, "Haley!" But I don't turn around, afraid I will run back to him like a lost puppy. I'm sure Sarah stopped him from running after me. She knows I need time. Time is healing but I'm not sure how much time I will need to heal these deep wounds.

The love of my life pointed a gun straight at me. No hesitation. If he wouldn't have looked me in the eyes, he probably would've done it. He was so far gone between the drugs and the alcohol. God knows what could've happened if I hadn't literally knocked some sense into him.

I run straight to the back door, unlock it and slam the door behind me. Up the stairs and to my room, only to fall face first into my mattress. I've never let out a louder scream in my entire life and I'm sure of that. My parents were downstairs, on the couch, when I stormed through. I heard them call my name a couple of times but they left me alone for a while. And after approximately an hour, I finally lift my head up from my pile of blankets, now soaked in my tears. The only energy I have left is spent climbing under those wet covers and closing my eyes to try and forget.

My mind almost drifts to sleep when I hear a faint knock on my door. I fight with myself to mumble, "Yes?"

Soft footsteps enter my room, the door pushed ajar behind her. I feel a slight shift in weight on my bed and when I open my eyes, my mom sits there with concern covering her features. Her hand reaches to my face, pushing the hair out of my eyes, "What happened?"

"Nothing, mom." I sniffle.

"Honey it's not every day that you sprint into the house and to your room to scream into your pillow. There has to be something wrong." She pats my shoulder.

I wince, "You heard that?"

Mom giggles, "I'm sure the neighbors did."

"Oh... sorry."

She shakes her head, "No, no sweetie. You needed to let out whatever frustration you're feeling right now."

I sit up against my headboard and rub the dried tears from the corners of my eyes. Mom gives me a sad smile, "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"Rafe and I broke up." My lip begins to quiver at the words I just said out loud for the first time.

"Oh goodness. What happened?"

I shake my head and she sighs, "I understand that you don't want to talk about it. But, if it's something that I need to know about then you need to tell me. If you don't feel comfortable talking to me then-"

"Mom. I can't tell you. It's personal to him and I'm not breaking my promise. No matter who it is. It's his business." I interrupt her inevitable lecture.