Bad Habits (A Rafe Cameron/OBX story)

Chapter 37

The first week after Rafe went to rehab, I was sick every day. I missed him so much that it physically made me sick. Not exactly how I wanted to spend my last week of summer but what can you do?

Sarah came over every day to check on me. And every day she was there, I was in the bed. She brought me one of his sweatshirts and luckily it still smelled like him. She was sweet enough to bring me lunch every day... although I usually only ate a few bites of it. If this depression goes on for the next few weeks until he comes home then I will probably have lost half of my body weight. But not in a good way. I couldn't eat. It made me sick. Every single day of that fucking week, I would lay flat on my bed and stare at the ceiling. I had nothing better to do. However, I did binge watch some shows I had been meaning to see. That was actually the most productive I was.

Week two was only slightly better. I started eating a little more. And by a little I seriously mean a little bit. Sarah decided that she would drive to school and take me with her. I insisted that I could drive myself but she questioned my mental capacity. Only because of my new found depressed state, not that she thought I was stupid. She just knew that I had barely gotten sleep since he was gone. So, on the morning of my first day of senior year, Sarah came over to help me get ready. She did my hair and makeup, picked out my clothes and made sure I had everything ready. To be honest, she's done more than my mom has for me. My family has left me alone which in theory, sounds really good. But I would never admit that I needed someone to comfort me. And Sarah was that person. The Pogues came to visit me a couple of times but ultimately Sarah was the one there for me at all times.

Third week was my first full week of senior year. School has never been somewhere I cared about or wanted to be. For most teenagers that's the case but I genuinely have no idea what I want to do with my life. People always say, 'you're young so you don't have to figure it out right now.' Only if you know me, I'm a planner. I like to be in control of everything that's going on. School, friendships, relationships... Rafe. I'm a control freak so not knowing what I'm going to do when I get out of this shit hole gives me the most anxiety you could ever imagine. The anxiety has been so much worse in the past few weeks. My stomach is queasy almost every day out of nervousness. What doesn't help is that some of the guys in my grade have been giving me shit about Rafe. One even said that he should've died. Needless to say, I beat his ass. The guy was coughing up blood, I even left a huge gash above his eyebrow. Not gonna lie, I was proud of my work but I still got sent home for the rest of the week and my parents were so mad at me. I didn't tell Rafe about it though. Maybe when he gets out. I mean I was defending him... the fucker deserved stitches for what he said. Sarah might be right though. I do need to tone down my aggressive side to an extent. This time I was provoked.

The fourth week means he's halfway done with the program. Which also means I get to see him in four more, agonizingly long weeks. I'm so glad I at least get to write him letters. We are both comforted that way. Luckily I got to send him some pictures to keep in his room. I made a special trip to the store across the island that prints out pictures. Since other people would be seeing them besides Rafe, I decided to keep the pictures PG rated. I almost cried thinking about his face when he gets these. I wish I could see him. I'm sure he's doing good and at least he has a friend. He never fails to tell me how much he misses me. I'm not shy about it either. And it's gotten to the point that I actually sleep through most of the night. I feel a little better knowing I will see him soon enough and when I do, he will be better. But I hope he doesn't think I won't drug test him if I have to. That will be disclosed to him at a later date.

At five weeks, I felt a bit more rested. Sarah and I have been with each other every day this past week. We spent most of our weekends sitting by the pool, relaxing and talking about school drama that has nothing to do with us. How is Sarah dealing with Rafe being gone? To be honest, she's not one to show her feelings. But all things considered I think she's handling it well. She knows he needed it and she's proud of him that he went through with it. Don't get me wrong! I'm so proud of him! I just miss him so bad.