We met again in fall (book 2 of Just a professor)

This is immutable

Aubrey POV

„Do you blame yourself?" An unfamiliar voice echoed in my head.

„What?" I feel like the echo didn't stop.

„Well it's quite common for a patient feel some kinda off.. guilt." it echoed over and over again and I don't know where the voice came from.

„What situation?"

„The accidents."

„The trauma you went through because of you.
The abusive ex boyfriend."

„Stop it."

„The affair with your professor. You getting into a car accident almost forgetting everything.
The adoptive parents that died because of you."

„I said stop! It's not my fault!"

„Your gallery burning to the ground almost killing Lizzie, Emma and you. Look at you. So pathetic.
So useless. All you do is bring pain and death along." I turned around and I stood in a bathroom
watching myself in the mirror.

„Take a Look and tell me you don't feel the guilt.
Guilt because you are the one causing this."

I staid silent as I really feel the guilt that was resting inside of me for so long.

„See. You can't say you aren't guilty because that would be a lie. Because deep down you know you are. You've lied enough in your life didn't you?"

„What is this?" I was clearly starting to lose my mind as I see my reflection grinning at me.

„Just your subconscious self taking over and telling you that you are weak."

„That's not true."

„Oh it is. I'm just the honest version of yourself. Because you wake up every day looking into the mirror and trying to suppress these guilt feelings.
You can't even take it anymore. You even made yourself infertile."

„Stop!!" i screamed out and jolted up realizing that this was just a nightmare. One that kept me haunted for weeks now since I got released from the hospital.

„Mhh babe what's wrong why aren't you sleeping?"
I heard Lizzie mumble tiredly while she stroked my bare back.

„Nothing babe. Keep on sleeping I-I'm just thirsty I'll go down and drink something." I relied trying to brush this cold sweat off from my nightmare.
She hummed and turned around going back to sleep.

„Fuck This has to stop." I mumble under my breath as I rubbed my eyes in tiredness.

I got up and walked down into my kitchen as I get myself some water to drink. I've staid there for minutes trying to analyze and diagnose the things that happen. I actually started to write a dream diary since I got these nightmares and I try to find and collect the dots to so I can do anything about it.

I have done these dream diary's when I was a teenager and it was just a self experiment to see if this will help in any way. I stopped at some point I can't remember why but I feel like this is the only way to help myself. I drank the water and scrambled my diary out as I always have in the kitchen because I always walk down to drink and collect myself. I wrote down everything I remembered and closed it placing it in between the recipe books to hide it.

I walked back up hoping that I'll get some sleep but I saw Lizzie sitting awake in the bed waiting for me.
I hesitated before walking up to her to crawl under the blanket.

„What is it that you don't wanna tell me?" she asked right away not giving a damn to start the topic slow.

„What makes you think that I keep something from you?" I asked back and she knew my technique to ask back trying to avoid the previous question.