BROKEN ANGEL || JJK

23: HIS MADNESS

a few months later

SEAN

I was driving back home on the bridge from the office as I forgot one of the files and Philips was also busy so I had to go myself.

The sun was setting making a beautiful view. My one hand was on steering while my other hand's elbow was resting on the window. I looked outside to see some couples stopped to capture the senary but nothing catches my eyes or heart anymore.

Everything feels lifeless. I used to love and admire music, art, slow dance, the sun when it raises, the twinkling of stars, moonlight. I used to admire the smell of flowers, rain, late-night walks, small talks, strangers, cycling, traveling, but nothing makes my heart flutter anymore. I can't find happiness even in big achievements now.

I miss Bella when something really good happens because she was the one I want to share everything with. I miss her when something is troubling me because she's the one who understands me so well. I miss her when I laugh and cry because I know that she is the one that makes my laughter grow, and my tears disappear.

I miss her all the time, but I miss her the most when I lie awake at night, and think of all the wonderful times that we had spent with each other for those were some of the best and most memorable times of my life.

It tears me apart inside to even see photographs of her's, because I look at her and think, 'Wow, that used to be mine, that person was a person I thought the world of, a person I would've done absolutely anything for, that's the face of a person I loved with my entire being, and that's the face of a person who left me.' It's sad, really how a person I loved to death isn't with me anymore and there's nothing I can do about it.

I don't even have her grave to visit.

Sometimes I just want to die already because only my life is between us. I believe we'll be together in the afterlife. But I know, I know how it feels like to lose someone we love. My brother's world will fall apart. I can't destroy him more than I've done already.

I'm only living for them.
Correction, surviving.

A thunder along with lightning brought me back from my thoughts. I closed the window as it's started to rain and speed up.

Approaching the apartment I opened the door using spare keys. Isabella alerted as soon as she saw me. She was cleaning the frames hanging on the wall with a cloth.

Ignoring her presence I walked inside the study room and picked up my file before heading back towards the living room. I grabbed the doorknob to go back but suddenly I heard a glass crashing sound along with a gasping sound.

I frustratingly closed my eyes. My grip around the knob tighten for a moment but somehow controlling myself I turned.

She had both of her palms on her mouth, wide eyes fixed on the broken frame of my wedding. I glanced at the mess then at her inane self.

Her head lifted with fear visible in her eyes. " I'm sorry". She mumbled uncovering her mouth. Her palms balled up into tiny fists that was now near her chin.

I stared at her blankly while I was railed up from inside.

Her body trembled under my gaze. She immediately sat on her ankle and started collecting the broken glass pieces with her shaky hands panicky.