Reaching The Unreachable (COMPLETE)

Reaching: 22

Roshan

I awkwardly laughed. Hindi ko alam kung tama ba ang tumawa dahil sa narinig. Hindi ko alam kung anong tamang reaksyon, kung ano ang tamang gawin. Ashthy has been my friend for a long year now. At nang malamang mahal ako nito? Parang hindi naman kapani-paniwala iyon.

"Come on Ashtim. Alam mo naman kung gaano katinik iyon sa mga babae diba? And you're saying that he's in love with me? Funny, that's a good joke Ashtim."

Kumawala ako sa mga bisig nitong nakapalibot sa aking bewang at inabalang muli ang sarili sa pag-aayos ng mga papeles . Ramdam ko pa rin ang mga titig sa akin ni Ashtim mula sa aking likuran. Hindi ko nalang siya pinansin at patuloy na inaayos ang mga papeles na ayos na.

My hands are shaking and I don't even know why. I sighed, ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko at nagbilang ng tatlo bago hinarap si Ashtim. His eyes are so serious and intense while looking at me. Katulad ng dati ay lumakas na naman ang tibok ng puso ko makita ko lamang ang mga matang kaya akong lunurin ng buhay.

"How can you tell that he's in love with me?"

He smirked. Ngumisi ito pero hindi nagbago ang emosyon sa kaniyang mga mata.

"You're too busy being in love with me so how will you even notice? I am his twin and I know him better than you do, Roshan."

Umiwas ako ng tingin. I can't accept everything that he says.

"Mabuti pa kalimutan mo nalang iyon. It's already time to work. Do we have to talk about this? Ikaw ang mahal ko, hindi pa ba sapat iyon para mapanatag ang loob mo?"

His eyes softened the moment he heard my last words. Lumapit ito sa akin saka ako muling niyakap ng mahigpit. Mabilis nitong isiniksik sa aking leeg ang kaniyang mukha. Sniffing my scent again.

"Hindi ko alam, Roshan. Tila ba pag dating sayo ay lagi akong may takot na baka mawala ka na lamang bigla sa akin. I'm scared that now that I have already fallen in love with you, you'll lose all the interest you have in me because the chase is finally over. I'm scared that you only want the chase and not me, Roshan."

Hindi ako nakasalita. All words flew away leaving me nothing to say. Hinihintay ang susunod na sasabihin nito.

"I have seen how persistent you are. I have seen how you've tried so hard to make me love you. I'm scared, paano kung iyon nalang iyon? From all the girls that chased after me sayo lamang ako nag pahuli. And I just want to tie you down so much because you are the very first girl who have made me feel like this."

"Ashtim..."

"That's why I'm sorry Roshan. I have seen my father almost lose himself the day our mother left us. I'm scared to feel that same pain. "

Napasinghap ako. Sa mga narinig ay nalinawan ako. Mas lalo kong naintindihan kung bakit ganito na lamang siya umasta pagdating sa kaniyang kapatid.  I don't know what happened to his parents before but I know it is that bad to leave trauma in his heart.

Kinapa ko ang kaniyang mukha at walang sabi-sabing hinalikan siya sa kaniyang mga labi. I want to assure him that I will always be there. That our story is different. That whatever happened between his mother and his father will never happen to us. Dahil hindi ko iyon hahayaang mangyari. Naghirap akong makuha siya tapos itatapon ko na lamang iyon ng basta-basta? No way! Mahal na mahal ko siya that I am sure to endure any pain just so I can stay by his side.

"Hindi ako mawawala, Ashtim. Kahit anong gawin mong pag taboy, hinding-hindi ako mawawala. "

***************

Nakatitig ako sa malaking salamin dito sa aking walk in closet. Caressing the fabric of my dress kahit wala naman itong gusot. I looked up at my face to check if everything is ok.