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Christmas Day. It will always be bittersweet now. For us it was the day that was our first as a family, but it was also the day that we lost a true angel on Earth. Chandra Prevost. August's sister-in-law and one of my best friends. Today marks exactly one week since she left us on Christmas night and it also marks the day that we finally lay her to rest.
As expected August has been distraught. Beyond distraught. Each day he is distant and quiet, each night he cries himself to sleep in my arms. He's been in the studio a lot which I'm thankful for. At least he's not on a drug or drinking binge like I've been exposed to. He's been pouring his emotions into music and I know this new music is going to be even more incredible than anything he's put out. I don't care about him being distant because this is how he's dealing with the pain of losing someone he loves so dearly, someone who was one in a million. He's still present with our children and I get to spend moments with him when we go to bed. I don't care that he just cries, we all just have to cry sometimes, especially times like this. I cry with him most of the time.
I adjusted my coat, gave myself one final look in the mirror and sighed. Even makeup couldn't hide the bags under my eyes nor their red tint from crying so much this past week. I grabbed some glasses and put them on to conceal myself. At that moment August came into the room dressed in his suit. He stood next to me and attempted to put on his tie. He fiddled around with it for a few seconds before I stepped in. I stood in front of him and started fixing it for him. He sighed and rested his hands on my waist.
"Thank you."
"It's no problem baby."
"No, thank you for holding it down this week and for just letting me be. I appreciate everything that you've done this week and I'm sorry for not being around as much as I should've been."
"You don't have to apologise Aug. You're grieving and going through your process, it's only natural. I know once you've settled with these feelings you'll return to picking up our normal routine. I'll always be here for you and I'll always wait for you. I love you."
He leaned down and pecked my lips. "I love you too. Big T is waiting out the front with the car. Your mom is going to meet us there with the boys."
"I'm ready if you're ready."
He grabbed my hand and led me out of our room. We made sure the house was locked up before going outside and getting into the car. Then we were on our way to the local church.
"I'm not ready to let her go." August admitted as a tear rolled down his cheek. "But I know that she's at least in a better place and is reunited with MelMan."
I wiped away his tears and kept a hand rested on his cheek. "I know, but we have to keep moving forward for her and for the girls. They're counting on us now."
August sighed and leaned into my hand some more. "You're sure that you are okay with this? Taking in the girls?"
"That's what Chandra wanted so that's what will happen. Besides, I love those girls and they get along so well with Loyal and Armani. It's a bigger responsibility for sure but we can handle it. We can handle anything together. We've gotten this far haven't we?"
