Gallery

Run

My arrival in Seoul was more welcoming than I had imagined. Signs in English made travelling through the city easier, and my minimal Korean made it possible to order food, take taxis and to get settled into the apartment I'd rented before everything had become a mess. 

'At least no-one would dream that I'd end up in Seoul right? No-one's going to be looking for me here.' 

The thought is reassuring, somewhat. Back home I'd worried following the incident that people might recognize me, considering I lived in the area fans were for the concert I feared they might have spotted me on my walk to work, or while taking Naruto for a walk. The thought made me sick, but my anxiety was probably sending me over the edge. Hopefully, no-one had even considered looking for me in the first place. 

'It wasn't a big deal anyway.' 

Since the incident there had been three other Australian concerts as well as two in Seoul. The group had also been linked to several idols in Korea since then, from events to alleged dates so the pressure was off now. Today however was the final concert in their world tour, meaning it was more important than ever to fans across the globe to see every second of the concert. Laying low, that wasn't too hard. And the planning, everything was already planned and set in stone; they would be having their final meet and greets until they shifted back to producing more music, this time I could prepare before facing them. 

"Maybe they won't recognize me this time!"  I assured myself aloud. 

Nothing can go wrong this time. I take a moment to really look at my apartment, in Korea, which was literally half a world away from home. It was small, but beautiful. Filled with tiny potted plants on the window sills in every shade of green I could imagine, tea cups sitting neatly on white plates on the kitchenette bench with multi-colored stools in front of a small island counter. On the tiny balcony attached to the building, a stray cat lay with its grey belly facing the sky. The owner had explained that's where he lived normally, and that he loved milk. Filling a small blue fish dish, the happy tomcat lapped the milk before it had even touched the ground and a smile crept onto my face. My nerves were extinguishing as the taxi appeared at the bottom of the old building. As I wave down, the man nods as I rush to the front door and head down the stairs. 

The sky had been turned from a vibrant orange with patches of fluffy white and pink clouds into a darker hue as the taxi pulls up at the arena. I'd imagined as an Olympic stadium that it would be huge, but in comparison to what I'd experienced back home this was madness. Being a foreign fan here meant understanding little to nothing around me as well as standing out in the huge crowd. Small groups of international fans were evident as the lobby poured into the arena, taking their seats but being a lone foreign girl in a sea of Korean fans left a strange taste on my tongue. I felt alienated, like secrets were being whispered that I just couldn't keep up with. A wave of ease, or noise, however helped to wash it all away as the music began and the lights dimmed to the stage where they appeared. 

Nothing less than spectacular as expected, with the boys making equal effort to approach each side of the stage as much as they could. The monitors helped however, allowing the boys to be even closer to the fans as sent finger hearts, kisses to the cameras and arm hearts out to the screaming crowd. The lights, the atmosphere, everything was perfect until I walked into the familiar type of room, with the heavy wooden tables and clear perspex to kept the fans at an arms lengths from the group. It all felt too familiar and a sinking feeling settled in. Some of the boys looked curiously at me, I could tell.  I silently wished for a miracle, despite the kind words and bright smiles I didn't want to be here anymore. Not in this room. 

"Wait, it's you. It's you, isn't it?"  He's smiling, but not properly. And neither am I. 

"Um. No?" I say hopelessly as Namjoon tilts his head down to meet my eyes. "Yes? But I'm not stalking you! I'm working here, in Seoul. I had everything planned before what happened. But please, don't talk to me too much. I won't go through that again." 

I can feel tears welling up in the corner of my eyes, my face is hot and I can't bring myself to look up. It's a mixture of anger and fear, I can't help but turn my head away looking toward the exit. I feel like everyone is staring, I need to leave. Namjoon hasn't spoken either, he's sitting nodding his head, a guard appearing at his side. 

'Oh no. Why?'

 The guard doesn't look happy. He's tall, muscular and has a strange expression on his face. It's unreadable. I can feel panic rising and my feet are stuck, all I can do is hope that I'm being ushered out like last time and my time is up. Maybe Namjoon needed water, something, anything but the worst case scenario that's playing in my head. 

"I'm sorry ma'am, but you'll need to come with me. We need to search your bag and person. Come this way." The man steps forward, his t-shirt sitting tight against his chest as he lifts his arm to an ear piece, "Yes, we have the girl. We're headed your way to have her checked. Ma'am, I assure you this is a routine check. Nothing to worry about."

Nothing about this reassures me, aside from the fact that prior to entering phones and cameras were asked to be left in a large tub. My phone, with the old polaroid of Naruto in the clear cover, is returned as I walk the empty hallways towards the back of the building. The guard has changed his expression too, he seems less threatening but won't respond to me. Reassuring words don't help either as I'm escorted into a strange room. It looks like a gaming room, with two small couches in the center of the room facing each other with an additional recliner at each end. A modern looking coffee table sits at the center with a bottle of something with glasses placed alongside it. The man ushers me in, placing his hand behind me without direct contact. 

"Please, I assure you this is a misunderstanding!" I exclaim, holding back tears of desperation. "I just want to go home!" 

The man smiles, "Miss, I think you might be grateful. Take a few moments to collect yourself before they arrive."